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Created on: February 13, 2008
Almost No Christmas
The Elvin influenza
Struck without warning
Just three days before
Christmas morning
Not one Elf was working
The shops were all empty
Sick in their beds
With fevers and sweating
Even Santa fell ill
Threw up in his sack
The reindeers were groggy
Poor Rudolph collapsed
The north pole lay quiet
Unknown to the world
There was going to be no presents
For the good boys and girls
Mrs. Clause cooked up
Some chicken noodle soup
But all that did
Was make Santa poop
Coughing and sneezing
The poor elves felt defeated
They couldn't give the big man
The help that he needed
Children so merry
Sang lovely carols
Hadn't a clue
Of forthcoming peril
Chimneys extinguished
Cookies spread out
The sleigh unprepared
The village shut down
Tucked into bed
Sheets drawn real tight
Dreams to be had
Of marvelous sights
Of presents strewn
Under the tree
Of Eggnog and songs
with family
Of sweaters with snowman
Of brand new toys
The dreams kept on coming
To good girls and boys
Mrs. Clause was so upset
She fuddled though her purse
Found her cell phone
And called a special nurse.
A candy cane helicopter
Flew to New Jersey
And picked up an RN
Named Nurse Kelly
Nurse Kelly hadn't
Believed in St. Nick
She thought Mrs. Clause was crazy
When she said Santa was sick
It took some convincing
When Nurse Kelly said no
Mrs. Clause told a story
Of a stethoscope
It was had been twenty years
Since she last made a list
Since she stood in front of a pine
And made a wish
She had seen many suffer
From various diseases
That she swore off Christmas
Santa and Jesus
Now in this hour
With the North pole dismayed
Nurse Kelly could not
Let the holiday fade
Into the copter went the RN
Along with her medical bag
To save this Christmas
from being toe-tagged
She provided the Elves
With some penicillin
And after some juice
The reindeers were chillin'
She hooked up Santa
To an foley and an I.V.
Sponged his head softly
And laid him down comfortably
She checked his blood pressure
And monitored his heart
Didn't act embarrassed
When he let out a fart
In her care
he quickly rejuvenated
He dashed toward the sleigh
The village was elated
In a tight squeeze
It came down to the wire
Everyone loved Santa
But it was the nurse he admired
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