"Is she an energy drainer?" my father asked me one day. I had just arrived back from a weekend at a friend's house, utterly exhausted and mentally burnt out. "Yes she is!" I exclaimed, realizing for the first time that indeed it was my friendship with her' that was causing this incessant headache. My father had, effectively, put his finger on it'.

Since then, I have become more and more aware of the people and situations that mentally and emotionally drain me.

I believe we all have an aura of energy that surrounds us and this energy can be either positive or negative. If we choose to maintain a positive attitude and, where possible, harbor only positive thoughts, it goes without saying that the energy surrounding us will be positive also. But herein lies the problem.

In my experience, negative people are drawn to the positive like a moth is drawn to the flame. I like to think of the positive energy as a great white light. If we are happy and at peace with ourselves, we are open to receiving this positive white light and the energy is free and flowing. Negatively minded people, being unable to connect with this light, grasp desperately for it through the positive energy of other people. If this is permitted to happen, the energy will flow in one direction only, thus leaving the giver completely drained, and the receiver feeling temporarily elated.

In my case, my natural instinct is to extend an empathetic helping hand to all. As a result, people have always been coming into my life needing someone to be there for them and balance things out. And certainly, for their part, I may be exactly what the doctor prescribed. Just think about all those times in your life when you were feeling down. What did you crave for the most? Was it sympathy? No. I think you will agree that it was empathy. But where does that leave me?

What exactly is empathy? Empathy is defined as both identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives, and the attribution of one's own feelings to an object. Now, in order for the positive energy to flow freely and in a reciprocal manner, empathy needs to be emitted from both sides of the equation. One cannot give unconditionally if one does not get back also. This is the divine truth in everything!

This is why negativity has an eroding affect on our happiness, as negativity is selfish and obstructs the reciprocal flow of positive energy thereby leaving the giver feeling tired and down.

So what is the solution? I think that it is important to protect yourself from negative energy. Obviously, the best option is to completely avoid interacting with negative people, however, this is often difficult to achieve. So in the unavoidable cases, I try to pick very carefully where to extend a helping hand and where to stay at a nice distant. Often, a friendly ear, detached from empathy, will suffice.

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