You might not be a baby boomer if you:

- can't remember the days when "flip flops" were called "thongs". Now "thongs" are something you wear up your ass, not on your feet.

- don't know that the definition of "gay" also includes "merry, bright and lively" (paraphrasing Miriam Webster's Desk Dictionary), even though we generally don't use the word "gay" that way anymore.

- don't remember high-water pants being cool at one time.

- don't remember the "Kingston Trio" being cool (in their high- water pants on the cover of their record albums).

- can't remember when everybody wanted a "Mustang" - and we're not talking
about a horse.

- never had the chance to buy a roll of "Lifesavers" candy for five cents.

- never had to wear only dresses to school (girls) even if the weather in your part of the United States was 20 degrees below zero. It was the school rule. You could wear snow pants underneath, if you didn't mind looking like a total dork.

- didn't get to enjoy the whole family gathering in the living room with popcorn thrilled to be watching another "Lawrence Welk" show.

- didn't have to take "typing class" in high school.

- think "white out" refers to a bad snowstorm or something sexual, not correction fluid used at one time to fix typing mistakes.

- think "Woodstock" refers to the pile of firewood in the backyard, and not to a major musical event.

- think "far out" refers to something way out in the country or somewhere.

- can't do the "Jerk", "Swim", "Pony" or the "Twist", and don't know what they are anyway.

- don't think about retirement or social security, because they probably won't be there for you anyway by the time we "boomers" get done.

- nobody's carded you at the bar for at least twenty years. Heck, you're probably not even old enough to be at the bar anyway.

- haven't had anyone call you "old timer" yet, right at the point where you feel life is just beginning!

- haven't had the shock of being portrayed at my age as sitting in a rocking chair knitting. Some of you need a course in ageism and stereotypes. Why, I don't need to sit in a rocking chair to knit!

- haven't been out running errands and run into a classmate from high school and think, "geez, they look so much older than I do". (What I probably don't realize is that they're thinking the same thing about me).

- shop in the junior section because you actually ARE a "junior" as opposed to a "senior".

- haven't had the shock of realizing you now qualify for the "senior discount meals" on most restaurant menus.

- haven't been sent a happy birthday card out of the blue from the "American Association of Retired Persons" (AARP) congratulating you on your fiftieth birthday. I should join - you get a lot of discounts and benefits.

- refer to tunes from the 70's and before as "golden oldies".

- think you've invented sex and that you are never going to grow old.

Learn more about this author, Becca Behrent.
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