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Whether we like to admit it or not, life is a competition. We are all striving to get better at something. In some cases it's material, such as a new house or car, and in other cases it's something less tangible like a better job or education. While it's certainly not good to have an unhealthy sense of competition - those individuals usually end up sore losers or always competing over something inane - a good, healthy sense of competition is a fine thing.

When people hear the word "competition" they often think of sports matches or some kind of battle. But competition goes way beyond that. For example, the two smartest kids in a high school class are competing for valedictorian. Most parents would love to have their child intensely competing to be valedictorian. That child would probably be well-served to have a healthy sense of competition. They would likely push themselves a little harder to achieve their goal.

Of course, every parent should be equally careful not to let that competition become too intense. If a child doesn't seem to be having any fun or enjoying themselves, they could be heading down a slippery slope that leads to problems later in life. A good balance between a competitive spirit and desire to have fun is ideal.

When "competing" with your child when they are young, should you play your hardest or let them win? Many parents ask themselves this. While I'm no child psychologist, I'd say it is a combination of both.

No parent should absolutely destroy their child in a friendly competition. This will breed resentment and frustration. The child will no longer want to participate in the activity. But constantly letting a child win could also foster a false sense of what constitutes a quality, victory-worthy performance. If you let a child win a challenge when they put forth only a minimal amount of effort, they are going to learn that a minimal amount of effort results in a victory.

In my estimation, the best approach is to keep the competition close and give the child an opportunity to win at the end. If they don't seize the opportunity, it's okay to beat them. The only way to learn not to be a sore loser is to experience the feeling of losing. Winning doesn't exist without losing. So make the child earn a victory. If the child gets upset at losing, use that as an opportunity to explain how to be a good sport.

When it comes to group competitions like youth soccer, football, etc., you should never push your child to be overly competitive. Yelling at them from the sidelines not only hurts them, but it embarrasses you as a parent. By the same token, "not keeping score" or declaring everyone a winner regardless of the final score is a bit soft. Instead, give positive feedback even in defeat. Tell the child what they did right and encourage him or her to do more of that next time. If giving criticism, do so carefully. If the child begins to resent your feedback, you'll lose the ability to teach him anything.

Competition can be a healthy thing, but only if it's taught well by the parents. Try to teach your child the desire to win, but also to gracefully accept defeat. If you can instill these qualities, your child will be just fine.

Learn more about this author, Sean Curtis.
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