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gave up.

Then for some reason I got confused, it was like he was wearing me down, I was thinking if he really thinks we are perfect for each other, then maybe we are. The thought was fleeting, but it wasn't till I made the huge mistake of kissing him that I realized this. I told him straight away, it felt like I was twisting the knife in, but even then he didn't give up. He'd send me poetry, give me gifts, and just wouldn't accept that I didn't feel the same. Some times he'd tell me that it didn't matter, that he accepted that I didn't feel as strong as him, maybe I would one day. He also knew how I felt about A, I even told him that if A ever asked me to do anything I wouldn't be able to say no, he said we would cross that bridge when we came to it. It was like he was willing to accept anything, if I would love him back.

If you could choose who to love, then I would choose B.

The friendship between B and I is non existent now. Somebody told him about things that happened between me and A. He's barely spoken to me since. And even though I hate the thought that he cant bring himself to speak to me, I have to admit its probably for the best. He could not accept that I didn't love him back, he never could, so we couldn't be friends. Its that simple. I could never be totally honest, never chat about other men, never talk about my feelings, it's a friendship based on nothing, if you cant totally be yourself.

Which is why I know that I have to lose all contact with A. I hate the thought. I hate that I may never see him again, never watch a movie or share a laugh, never have him touching me, I hate it. But I know that there will never be any more between us, and as long as he is still part of my life, I'll never truly get over him. I need to do what B has done to me and cut all contact. It hurts, but better to hurt a little now, than so much more in the future.

Learn more about this author, AJ Stephenson.
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