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Grandparents should not interfere with parenting grandchildren because - beloved, treasured, and respected as they may be - it is not their place.

Most of us who have had children know that, when our children were young, we did not want anyone attempting to interfere with our parenting efforts. Some parents, more than others, seek out advice or support from their parents, but there's a difference between a grandparent's being available to give support when needed and a grandparent's attempts to interfere.

I once read a book that analyzed love. All the different types of love were discussed (romantic love, parent/child love, etc.), and the social worker who analyzed love concluded that all types of genuine love have one important characteristic - respect.

When grandparents view their grown son or daughter as an adult worthy of respect they understand that, just as they most likely didn't want anyone interfering with their parenting, their son or daughter is no different. An unfortunate reality is that many parents of grown children do not, in fact, sufficiently respect their children. There are parents who will always somehow see themselves as "over" even their grown children. Their children's original role of being (essentially) subordinates of the parents will never, in the eyes of the disrespectful grandparent, change. "Lack of respect" isn't always about having no regard for the value or the existence of another person. That's one form of lack of respect. Another, less malicious but disrespectful nonetheless, can include valuing the person and his/her existence but failing to acknowledge the capabilities of that person.

The parent who is guilty of "mostly respecting" their children unless/until a grown child's thinking differs from the parents' are not showing complete respect. The parent who adores and treasures his/her grown child but who still "can't help but worry" that the grown son or daughter will make a "wrong choice" are not showing respect for the autonomy of their child.

Parents of grown children can also sometimes have difficulty finding that fine line between being supportive and interfering (or even being overbearing). In the healthiest of parent/child relationships that powerful (but healthy) love parents have for their grown children will serve as a guide. After all, when you truly love someone you do what is right for them - not what makes you feel better.

Those of us who have had our grandparents, and those of us with children who have had amazing

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