My Mom died of brain cancer shortly before my parent's fifty-fifth anniversary. Dad spent nearly every moment with her after her diagnosis right to the morning she passed away. So, how on earth were my sister and I supposed to help him cope with this tremendous loss?

We learned several things along the way that helped him and us as well. The most important way you can help a grieving parent (or anyone in that position) is to listen. Let them express their grief, their memories and their pain. You don't have to say anything, just listen. Let them know you're there to listen and will support them in any way they want you to. Saying things like, "I know how you feel" or "You'll get over it" won't help. If you haven't been through such a situation, there's no way you can know how they feel. Platitudes like You'll get over it' only diminish their true grief.

The first six months are usually the most difficult and your parent may become withdrawn and say they just want to be alone', but down deep inside they need you more than ever. A parent wants their child to be happy and they may not want to be a burden' or bring you down', so you have to look past that and insist that you want to be with them and it is very important for your peace of mind to help them through this.

Be gently firm, but don't push too hard. Your parent will depressed, there's no way around that and they may not want to even get up in the morning, get dressed or eat. Be patient and try the best you can to encourage them to take baby steps toward feeling better. Get other family members involved if you can. Ask them just to call or send a note. Quite often people don't know what to say or do, so they say and do nothing, leaving the grieving person even more isolated and alone. Have the grandkids design a t-shirt for them or draw them pictures, anything to remind them that life is still good and people love them. Drop by with healthy muffins and make them tea and just be there with them. Let them know they don't have to talk if they don't want to, they don't have to do anything at that point, but be with you.

After a while, try to keep them busy if they'll let you. Ask them to help you chop veggies to make a pot of soup, or organize family photos, this will be a great way to spend time with them and also allow them to grieve and share memories. They may just watch, but that's OK, you're there for them.

Only time will really help heal their pain, but your gentle support and comfort will ease their journey through grief.

Learn more about this author, Pat Merewether.
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