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As both a birthmother and an adoptee, I have encountered many birthmothers along the way, and have not met a single one who did not take her decision to make an adoption plan as the most serious decision she ever made. It is not a decision made in haste, and it is not a decision that a woman takes lightly. I have never met a birthmother who did not love her child as deeply and as fiercely any new mother does, nor have I met a birthmother who did not grieve the loss of her child in a way that only another birthmother can know. It is a not a loss that is recognized by many, but is one that will remain with her throughout her life.

When an unplanned pregnancy occurs, there are no easy answers. Each choice comes with its own set of consequences, some that cannot be seen or fully appreciated until later in life. I know that my decision to make an adoption plan for my son stemmed from the fact that I was young, unmarried and completely ill-prepared at being the parent I would want for him. Only now, 15 years later, can I fully appreciate how ill-equipped I would have been as a single, 21 year-old mother, trying to raise a child and finish college all at the same time. Would I have made it work? I'm sure I would have tried my hardest, and I know that my parents would have helped and supported me in any way possible. But the responsibility for raising this child and molding him into the man he would ultimately become would rest on my shoulders.

All of this made sense in my logical brain. I knew that he would be raised by a stable, loving, two parent family, who had the same religious values that I would choose. They could provide him with all of the things I couldn't. They would love him passionately, and they loved me for giving them this gift. And then he was born. All of a sudden, my logical brain was overridden by my broken heart. I knew I was making the right decision, and had to trust that all of my thoughts and planning up to this point were not in vain. But that is easier said than done when you're signing away your parental rights for this perfect, beautiful little boy, while every bit of your soul is screaming at you to run and hold your baby.

The process of placing a child for adoption is not part of the normal mothering process, and it is not something that feels in any way natural. When I'm asked how many children I have, I say, "three", but in my mind, I respond with "four". It is heartbreaking. It is grueling. I can't imagine any mother being motivated by anything other than the best interest of her child, despite the pain that is inflicted upon her as a result of making such a choice. Although I am at peace with my decision to place my child for adoption, it was most certainly the most difficult choice I have ever made. With all that a birthmother endures in the process, I cannot see it as anything else but the ultimate gift.

Learn more about this author, Jennifer Williamson.
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