by Jack Mehoff

Created on: February 11, 2008

Dear Government:

Leave my cell phone alone.

You've already tied me down with a seat belt, made it mandatory to buy insurance, forced me to buy tags, taxed me for owning my car, taxed me for buying it, taken away my fifth amendment rights with ridiculous drunk driving laws, and made sure that I can be stopped for any reason a police officer may imagine. He can demand to see my papers and can take me to jail if I don't show them to him.

Thanks a lot.

I know you're looking out for me.

I don't care about public safety any more than it cares about me. There is no public safety. It is a misnomer for busy bodies who want to control my life because they value their safety more highly than they value my freedom and for insurance companies that want to add to their bottom line by avoiding any risk real or imagined. Don't talk to me about public safety.

Trust me - I don't want to kill any citizens while I am talking on my cell phone because I just might get killed in the process. I wager that I can drive better talking on my cell phone than some housewife screaming at her kids who, incidentally, are strapped down like mental patients in a 19th Century nut house, all for the public good.

I know I can drive better while talking on my cell phone than someone industriously picking his nose. I bet I'm safer than someone singing along with Credence Clearwater Revival while beating an imaginary drum on his dashboard and singing at the top of his lungs.

Besides, I like my cell phone. I like to set it on vibrate and keep it in my front pocket. Don't ask me why. I like to talk to people while I'm on the highway. Sometimes for business, sometimes for pleasure. I like knowing that I can communicate with people whenever and wherever I want to.

Don't send me any government studies either. Government studies cost me money and tell me things I don't care about. I don't care how many dweebs collect how much data on what a menace to society I am. I am a dangerous man. I have been known to smoke cigarettes within 20 feet of an airport door and remove the tags from mattresses. Don't trifle with me. If I see another government study I can't be responsible for where I would stick it. I know you won't like it.

Signed,

Disgruntled

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