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Not too long ago I read on AOL how to clean a house in 30 minutes. HA! Maybe if you put 30 minutes a day into forever keeping the house clean. I'm sure there have to be creatures that are that dedicated to cleaning; but, I'm not. Here's a breakdown of what it really takes to clean a small house or apartment, when expecting guests for the holidays.

First, meditate until correct mindset is achieved: 1 Hour

Second, gather all necessary supplies, i.e., cleaners, sponges, sprays, mops, etc., and place them in the rooms targeted: 20 Minutes

Third, get naked and throw the clothes you were wearing in the washing machine (this is going to be sweaty work): 5 Minutes

All Rooms

Take dust feather and like a wild banshee swipe all along the edges of the ceiling to dislodge last 6 month's cobwebs, and all accompanying spiders. Also slap at all lamp shades, ceiling light fixtures, fans, blinds, and articles on furniture to set all dust particles in motion as the same time: 30 minutes (Depending on number of rooms)

Tip: Do this first so you don't have to suck up all this after wasting time vacuuming the carpet before doing this. You might also want to wear one of those dust masks, or a breathing apparatus.

All Furniture

Take two dust rags (1 clean, 1 preserving the spirit of the last polishing), and with one in each hand, wipe all top furniture surfaces with the polish rag, then repeat with the clean rag. 1 - 2 Hours (Depending on how much furniture you have)

Tip: Removing items from the furniture is optional, as most items will slide with the polishing motion, and slide back with the cleaning motion. Remember you already slapped all the dust off of these items with the feather duster.

Bathroom

Double check that Last Will and Testament is current and valid, and someone knows where it is, should you be overcome by tile and grout cleaner fumes. Spray entire tile surface in bath tub/shower with this cleaner. Squirt some toilet bowl cleaner around rim (blue or green is preferable). Squirt Windex on all mirrors and wipe clean with clean rag. Spray some all-purpose cleaner on sink, counter tops and faucets, and wipe clean with wet sponge. Then dry with clean rag. Enter bath tub/shower (remember you are naked) and turn on shower head to comfortable temperature water spray. Scrub all tile surfaces with hard bristle brush. Turn shower head to walls, and assist by using hands to splash water all over tile walls. Turn

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