by Scott Blackburn

Created on: February 11, 2008   Last Updated: April 07, 2008

The Ultimate 20: Things to do at Wal-Mart

Not even Disney world can rival the fun you can have at a local Wal-Mart. After you are done buying beef jerky, toilet paper, a dvd, and a power-tool set, here is a list of some things to do for fun.

1. Race a display bike (preferably small and pink) down a busy aisle at maximum speed while yelling "No Brakes!"

2. Attempt to purchase a rifle in sporting goods while mumbling about "those terrorists that keep stealing my newspaper"

3. Look at the jewelry. No, that's it. Just go to the jewelry section. It's hilarious!

4. Fill an entire shopping cart with only rash cream.

5. Get an axe from the hardware section, with no expression slowly walk behind people while dragging the blade on the ground.

6. Try to pay for your normal Wal-Mart items in the Wal-Mart Subway/McDonalds.

7. Introduce yourself to at least 5 strangers, then have their names called on the loud-speaker at customer service.

8. Lay on the display furniture while covering yourself with a blanket and eating Doritos.

9. Get a full workout in the sporting goods section. This is preferably done with short shorts and a sweaty headband.

10. Play Wal-Mart polo: A bike, a leaf-blower, and a Nerf ball will do.

11. Go to the fish section with a recipe book in hand and point out a fish to an employee and say "MMM...That one will do"

12. Hug the "greeter" upon entering and leaving the store.

13. Play "Pimp My Ride" with one of the electronic wheelchair/shopping carts you can get at the entrance. Spray-paint the wheels/ mount a radio on the front/ sprinkle unnecessary amounts of glitter on it.

14. Play a full game of Texas Hold 'Em on a display table. Invite friends, smoke cigars, order a round of beers from Wal-Mart employees.

15. Shop in the stock room as if it were the actual store. (Be careful during 3rd shift, these people are already mad at the world)

16. Run a marathon around the store. This includes running shorts, no shirt, and friends spaced around the store handing you those tiny cups of water.

17. Try to purchase a lawnmower in the self check-out line. The funny part is when the automated voice says "Please place the item on the conveyor belt."

18. Host a Superbowl party in the TV section. Invite the same friends from #14.

19. Try returning one of your kids at customer service. Be persistent, "It just doesn't do what it's supposed to!"

20. Run out of the Wal-Mart bank (yes, they have a Wood Forest National Bank) with some toy guns yelling "LETS GO LETS GO!" Proceed to hop in the back of the motorized Barbie Jeep and speed out of the store.

Learn more about this author, Scott Blackburn.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.