Played well, football (or soccer for our American cousins) is simply gorgeous. From an unseemly fracas over the movement of a pig's bladder from one end of a patch of dirt to another, it has evolved into something sublime. Athletes as honed, pampered and highly strung as race horses use all their grace and grit to transport that elusive ball into the goal and their fans into a state of rapture.

For good or ill, all of a player's strengths and weaknesses are on show. He has no body armour to hide his blushes and cushion the blows. The contest doesn't grind to a halt every 30 seconds for him to gather his thoughts while the audience endures another word from the sponsors. However he performs, he knows that the football fan has an endless appetite for glory when things go well, and a bottomless reservoir of vitriol when things don't. As legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly famously quipped, "Some people believe football is a matter of life and death......I can assure you it is much, much more important than that."

I can't maintain this tone. I've tried to see the best in the sport but I can't get past the fact that football is a great game tarnished by greed, cynicism and violence. Speaking as an Englishman, I believe football showcases some of the worst my society has to offer.

The rot starts early. Children play in junior leagues where they learn teamwork and coordination and improve their fitness. This is all very laudable until match day, when they are taught the rudiments of football culture by their spectating parents. First, the decision of the referee or any other authority figure is never final, and attempts should be made to overturn that decision by phlegm, threats, intimidation and, if you can get away with it, violence. Second, you should never foul an opponent unless you can get away with it. Third, you should take any opportunity to collapse in screaming agony if it might appear to a distracted referee that an opponent might have fouled you, assuming of course that you can get away with it.

This behaviour is legitimised from on high. Gamesmanship of the most brazen order is an accepted feature of the professional game at all levels. It is not just accepted, it is expected and admired. Tackles that amount to criminal assault and feigned injuries good enough for the Oscars are common. For a fine tableau, refer to the Rooney groin stamp and Ronaldo wink from the 2006 World Cup, still available on YouTube.

Once upon a time,

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