by Vicki Phipps

Created on: February 11, 2008

How many commitment phobic souls have you known? The answer to this question came to me, long before my children became teens. I wanted to teach them how to find and create long lasting relationships better than I did. I seemed to be attracted to so many commitment phobic that I had to take a look at the reasons why my relationships always came to an end when it came to men.

I had no trouble with long lasting friends, as long as they were like me, and female. Guys, on the other hand, were a mystery to me. You see, I was so afraid of being left that I'd leave before they got the chance. Now I see, I had issues with abandonment. Before I could teach my teen how to be different, I had to stop abandoning them, through distancing.

We distance ourselves from people in various ways. Even if we remain physically present, emotionally distancing makes the child feel abandoned, just the same.

Tip number one:

Don't abandon the young.

If you want your teen to find the ability to seek and keep relationships, be careful of those things you do to abandon them. One way might be the, "silent treatment." It's a form of manipulation that tells the child, "You don't exist to me."

Parents are vital to a child. We are who gives life to a child, and when the parent seems to never be pleased, it leaves the child feeling abandoned. Still, since all they have to go on comes from the relationship they have with you, in seeking new relationships, they'll do what seems the most familiar. Familiarity breeds comfort, and they will feel more comfortable trying to seek the approval of those who are never pleased. It's the same as abandonment, because you can't see the beauty in anything if you are too hard to please.

Try not to be so hard to please. It leaves a teen feeling abandoned.

Tip number Two:

Take a look at you.

In the words of Dr. Phil, "Are your relationships working for you?" If the answer is no, then ask yourself what it is about you that tends to attract those people and things that don't work for you. Children learn by what they see, so it's important that you present a picture of relationship longevity. Your friendships last and so does your marriage. If these things aren't true for you, then choose to change it. The definition of insanity is doing the same things in the same way, while expecting a different result. Don't be insane by the blame and shame that never worked before in your relationships.

Commitment means you choose to stay committed to a relationship. Don't be so easily abandoned

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