by Terry Marsh

Created on: February 11, 2008   Last Updated: December 27, 2008

Flirting is a social art form that people use to express an initial interest in another individual. It is mostly an attention getting activity designed to generate a return interest, and when executed successfully, leads to the establishment of a relationship.

For many, flirting can begin as early as the first-crush phase in grade school. Unfortunately, very few grow into adulthood with any more than the rudimentary fundamentals of flirting. Most of what boys learn has been handed down from locker room Cassanovas, and girls tend to share their early experiences with other girls.

But, what works for one person does not always work for another. Flirting successfully is mystery that is not always solved by a sucessful hook-up. Most men believe that they have to become something or someone other than who they are in order to catch the woman of their interests. They put on masks and create unnecessary performances, then wonder why they failed in their attempt.

Have you ever wondered why men go to other guys for advice on women, rather than go straight to the source? Or why the guys that seem to have the least going on in their lives end up with the most attractive women? Yes, dating is truly an art, but understanding how to paint doesn't make someone a Picasso.

Successful flirting depends on certain criteria, and after research which included interviews with seven women. These are the basics:

ESTABLISH INTEREST To start, simple eye contact and a smile let's her know that you're interested. Be sure not to stare. Just a glance will do. If she returns your smile, then you have her attention. Instead of falling over people to rush right over, give her a few moments. If she sneaks a peek in your direction again, that's a good sign that she's interested.

APPROACH The way that you approach a woman can make or break whether you go any farther. Always approach a woman with confidence, but not cockiness. And walk, don't run. Women like men to be men. A self-assured confidence communicates that you are comfortable with yourself, but not full of yourself.

If possible, approach with a single flower, a rose preferably. Women still like flowers, regardless of how independent they may be. Never crowd her space. Let her breathe, but most importantly, let her be intrigued. The two or three feet directly around her, belong to her. If you enter without a firm invitation, you put her on the defensive. If and when she decides to let you get closer, you'll know.

INTRODUCTION Always use a straight forward introduction. Smile, extend your hand, and when shaking hers, apply firm, gentle pressure. Don't squeeze and shake like a condiment bottle, but with sincere purpose. Mention that you noticed her from across the room and offer to buy her a drink. Don't rush the game, let the game come to you.

If you're lucky enough to break the ice with some cute line, you place pressure on yourself to keep cute lines coming. But you also risk being placed in the cute-but-not-serious category. Cute-but-not-serious guys always end up as "friends", which is fine if that's your objective. Otherwise stay with straight forward introductions.

CONVERSATION

Keep you conversation clean, but more importantly, keep your conversation focused on the girl. The best way to get to know someone is to ask questions. Your questions must be probing, but not intrusive. You want to get to know her, not interrogate her. Remember, you have to earn the right to ask for her phone number. And she has to like you enough to give it to you.

When flirting, keep your desired objective in mind. To win her affections, you must first gain her attention. After that, the rest is up to you.

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