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the tennis ball dangling from the ceiling telling you to stop. Losing concentration during this crucial step could result in 1) driving through your living room wall or 2) running into the garage wall. Either situation is extremely expensive to fix. Worst of all, there is almost NOTHING more embarrassing than having to call into work with the excuse "I ran into my own house!"

The One-Car Accident

My worst car accident was a one-car accident. I was not under the influence of anything other than wanting badly to be home for the weekend during college. Somehow, while heading southbound in the right lane, I rounded a curve, and ended up northbound in the right lane. I was very lucky nothing happened to me. I turned around, drove to the only place on the road, a Dairy Queen, and sad and cried until my dad came to get me. Sweet little children kept asking their mothers what was wrong with me.

Unusual Relationship with the Gas Pedal

My husband does not let me drive on long car trips. Not because I might fall asleep, or wreck the car (despite the above examples), but because I do not apply steady pressure to the gas pedal. I also do not use cruise control. My friends, and my spouse, have independently concluded that riding with me is like deep-sea fishing. Not in the way of catching big sharks, though. More in the clutching-the-head-the-whole-t ime way.

Flashing Lights Behind

I have never received a speeding ticket. I have been driving for 12 years. That does not mean that I consciously obey all posted speed limits. I have had three memorable interactions with state troopers, though. The first was when I was driving back, late at night from Vermont to New York along Lake Champlain. I had been up since about six am, driven an hour to work, driven an hour and a half to a speaking engagement, and was on my hour and a half drive home. When I finally noticed the flashing lights in my rear view mirror and stopped, the nice trooper who came up to the window was obviously terrified of me, instead of the other way around. "I have been following you for a mile!" he exclaimed. "Do you EVER look in your rear view mirror?" I am not sure that the "quiet cabins" of our cars today are really useful!

The second time I was pulled over, my husband, dog and I were taking a field trip to put gas in my car. We lived in a tiny little town in the Adirondacks. To get gas, we had to drive six miles up the road. Since there was little else to do, and our dog loved car rides, we set out for a "drive." I, of course, was pulled over right in front of the gas station. Once I was done talking my way out of a ticket, I pulled in to get gas. The nice lady in the car behind me said "Hey, weren't you the one who was just pulled over there a few minutes ago?" Thoughtful.

Lastly, one night I was driving home from work, wearing my tie-dyed work shirt. (Yes, we all had tie-dyed shirts with our company logo.) The officer who pulled me over took one look at my shirt and asked what was wrong with me. I told him I was tired-I had been at work for about 15 hours. I showed him the logo on my shirt, but I still don't think he believed me. He let me go, though.

Computations of the preceding narrative put my bad driving status at about 3 1/2 ugly bumpers out of five. I NEVER drive while impaired from anything other than lack of sleep, and try to avoid that if at all possible. However, you still would probably not want me giving driving tips to your teenage driver with a new permit!

Learn more about this author, Katherine Elzer-Peters.
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