Happiness: bliss, an absence of sadness, a smile, a feeling of intense goodness. It's not in a bottle and it can't be bought. There isn't a key. Our own definitions of happiness are as unique as each of us. Having searched for happiness for over 35 years, I have learned what happiness is and what it is not for me.

Happiness is marriage.

I fought security hard. I didn't want to be a trapped, trodden down housewife, stuck with children and in a 9-5 job that I thought was boring. I was terrified to settle down and preferred being alone rather than committing to a spouse where I thought I would lose all of my self. I was young, naive, and painfully independent. I have learned that there is a lot of happiness to be found in security. The safety of a marriage does not feel like a trap and in fact it allows me to be free. With the security of a marriage I do not have to work that 9-5 job and I have the freedom to worry less about day to day struggles. I am happier married than I was being single.

Happiness is self acceptance.

I spent a lot of time in my life wishing that I was someone else. I wanted to be that pretty cheerleader or the outgoing, popular girl (isn't that the same thing?). I was insecure, nerdy and kept to myself. Happiness has been accepting who I am and being comfortable in my own skin. I have learned that I have something to offer and that the cheerleaders of the world are no happier because of their popularity. I am happier because I have accepted who I am and moved on.

Happiness is foster parenting.

I have always wanted to be a parent. I love children and I do not have any of my own. When I was 25, I took in a 14 year old street kid. She was everything I wasn't. She was hard, loud, and stood up for herself like no one else I have known. She was with me for almost two years. She told everyone that I was her mother despite our 10 year age difference and the fact that we looked nothing at all alike. We both grew into these roles. She became my daughter and I her mother. Nothing felt weird about this relationship. I was very happy when we spent time together and proud of all her accomplishments. I knew that opening my home to her was a gift and she was able to accept it.

Happiness is in the friends you choose.

Friends are the ones that are there for you when your family does not understand. I have found some wonderful friends in my life so far. I cultivate these relationships and I cherish good friendships, holding them close to my heart. Happiness is sitting with a good friend, drinking coffee and hearing all about their thoughts and dreams.

Happiness is different for all of us. Acceptance, friendship, love and security are what define happiness for me. I have found that I am happier as I get older and accept the things that I am not able to be in control of. I have learned that happiness can be found but it takes work

Learn more about this author, Melissa Nykorchuk.
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