by Heather Tinker

Created on: February 10, 2008

What impact does complaining have on relationships? Can you imagine being constantly bombarded with statements like, "You always leave your dirty socks on the floor," "You never take out the garbage," "He always pays more attention to work than to me," or "She never tells me what she wants." For some people, this is a reality. For the complainer, it becomes a habit to be unsatisfied with life. For the listener, it becomes a habit to tune everything out. If all you do is complain, it's likely that nothing will change or improve.

WHAT COMPLAINING WILL DO

If your goal is to create a mucky, mire-filled, negative environment, then complain away. Whether you complain about yourself, your work, your partner, or your relationship, the outcome is the same. When you constantly complain to the people closest to you, it's like pumping smog into the most beautiful places in nature. It hides all the best aesthetic qualities and kills all the wildlife. You may say, "Everyone needs to vent. Why not indulge in a little complaining?" I say, venting only fuels the fire. The more you complain, the more annoyed you get, the more you can think of to complain about.

Complaining about your partner, to your partner, is one of the most destructive types of complaining. Chances are this will only put your partner on the defense. Remember, as a child, when an adult would pick something about you and constantly nag and criticize you for it? After awhile, you got in the habit of completely tuning out that critical adult. It was like a light switch in the mind: The voice starts, your mind turns off. I don't know anyone who wants this to be the reflex reaction their partner has when they start talking. Your partner will be less willing to communicate with you if he or she always anticipates negativity. Walls will be put up. How can you build a life together if you don't communicate effectively?

Another thing complaining has the potential to do is cause you to have a skewed view of life. If all you hear or talk about is negativity, you could completely lose perspective and forget the good things, the simple pleasures that make life worth living. You may be so caught up in the fact that your partner always gets toothpaste on the bathroom mirror that you forget the little dimple in his mischievous smile that made you fall in love with him.
I'm not saying that problems should be brushed aside, but most of the time the more you complain about something the worse it seems. If there is a serious problem

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