Anyone who knows the pounding of the heart or shallow heavy chested breathing to late night runs to the emergency rooms understands what I'm talking about. The dreaded panic attack! I've been a sufferer of Anxiety and Panic Disorder for little over two years now. It comes out from no where like a thief in the night to steal your sanity and leave you helpless while praying to God "Please don't let this kill me". My experience with anxiety/panic disorder led me on the journey through sixty straight days of emergency room visits, two weeks of in house hospital treatment and medical tests to determine if I was going insane. Finally I ended up in cognitive behavioral therapy trying to recover what was stolen from my life. "Control"

The most important thing that anxiety/panic disorders do is rob you of self-control. The most terrifying symptoms of a panic attack is the feeling of losing your mind. This is just not a form of expression either. Only those who suffer from this disease can relate to the third person imagery, sensation of terrifying restlessness that can engulf your daily life. The effects that these symptoms play on your mind is horrible- mine were so bad that I refused to go outside or even trust those people that were close to me. The worse thing anyone could've of said to me in the initial stage of the disease was "It's all in your head! The doctor told you all you have to do is calm down." That was a favorite saying of my wife. Problem with those types of comments was you would push me farther away, I knew in my mind something was wrong because I was feeling it.

As the days went by and I wondered if I would be this way the rest of my life I started to slowly turn the tables on the anxiety. The one thing anxiety/panic disorder started to do is show me my faults and weaknesses. Anxiety humbled me to no end- it showed me the type of life I was living and responsibilities not being met. Through this disease I was given the opportunity to see my life in a way I was never able to do before. Being humbled by this disease was the best thing that could of happened to me- I was able to see that no matter how tough I thought I was, that just wasn't the case. My life was at a downturn and I wasn't being the husband or father I should have been- God in my eyes gave me a good wake-up call on what my priorities should be. The funniest things started happening to me as I finally realized that this disease was actually a blessing in disguise. I was brought closer to God through my new found faith, I started paying more attention to the needs of my wife and kids. Most importantly I stated to feel a sense of happiness never felt before.

Many doctors or so-called experts believe the stress in your life is the major cause of anxiety/panic disorder. I can agree with them that stress plays an important role in anxiety/panic disorder. I also believe that the body will communicate to one's soul when their life is out of balance and needs to be fixed. I'm a big believer that when it comes to anxiety/panic disorder a person must start looking deep down into the depths of the mind and start listening to what it is saying is wrong. I've learned to use my disease as an ally instead of a hindrance- to analyze why symptoms began and what situations proceeded them. These last few years have educated me and showed me just how wonderful life can be. I still suffer from panic attacks on a daily basis-but instead of fearing them I'm using the attacks as a stepping stone into a better understanding of myself.

Learn more about this author, James Macecai.
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