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If I was a person of reputation and honesty, then I would not be of value in determining value of an antique. Thank the Lord, I have no reputation and am dishonest. Therefore, I will forge forward with the aspects of determining value for antiques.

Consider an apple that has fallen from a tree and sits on the ground. It waits until something eats it or just rots away to nothing. Either wild cows, insects, a homeless pedestrian, or even a person that is so hungry that they will eat anything will attempt to accommodate the fallen apple. That's how I see antiques.

Like an apple that is still on the tree and prominently in view, this gets first consideration than the ones below on the ground. Basically, if the antique looks nice on the outside and is displayed in a large traffic area. Then you know it may be worth something. Of course, this is all a matter of speculation based upon the person viewing or selling the item.

To take it a step further, I like to think of myself as a silly man that overanalyzes everything in order to make a point. When the Antiques Road Show is on TV, the man or woman that brings their antique to the show to be judged by some hypocrite that lost his day job to some young punk out of college, things become rather lively between the attendee and the Antique Value Evalutator.
For example: A one-eyed man brings a picture of his great grandfather standing next to an outhouse with a sign on the front. The picture is taken so far away that you cannot even read the sign, but the sign the one-eyed man has with him is the sign in the picture. Immediately, the Evaluator gets really excited by increasing the volume in his monotone voice to a yelp, "This sign is exquisite. I don't see why it would not be worth more than $40.00. Port-a-Pottie signs are a favorite of mine and I have extensive knowledge on signs that hang on the front of ancient outhouses." Then as this segment ends, the one-eyed man would respond with either a ,"Gee-willickers or Damn Straight!"

Wouldn't it make sense for the one-eyed man to turn to the Evaluator and ask, "I sell it you for $30 bucks right here, right now. Will you take it?" Of course, this would not happen because the Evaluator is full of donkey dung.

If these guys and gals really knew anything about evaluating antiques, then how come you see a different set of evaluators for each Antique Road Show that comes on TV? Simple because they are full of donkey dung.

My point is that the true value of an antique can only be measured by what you are willing to sell an item and what someone is willing to pay.

Take it with a grain of salt, or just let it sit under the apple tree until it rots away.

Learn more about this author, Tony Johnson.
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