by Susan Quilty

Created on: February 10, 2008   Last Updated: March 02, 2010

You are browsing the shelves at the bookstore and glance up to see a beautiful woman turn into your aisle. You both smile. You turn back to the books, your pulse racing and your mind in turmoil. Will you give her your best line? Will you stay quiet and wonder about her for the rest of the day?

Some people flirt as naturally as they breathe, the rest of us have a little more trouble. But flirting can help you out in two major ways. When meeting someone new, it's a way to gauge interest. In a long term relationship, it keeps things fresh and rekindles romance.

Flirting with a Stranger

1. Make eye contact. Catch her eye, but don't hold a stranger's gaze for too long. Flirting with a woman should express interest, not paint you as a stalker. A few brief glances are more effective, and won't lead to the creep factor of a long stare. If she's uninterested, she'll let you know by looking (or walking) away.

2. Keep it friendly. In an unknown situation, stay on the friendly side of flirting. Ask if she can recommend a book, or if she has the time. If she doesn't make an effort to continue the conversation after two comments, move on. No harm, no foul.

3. Talk about interests. Complimenting her might be flattering, but chatting about her interests lets you get to know her. Do not claim to like or hate everything she does. Honesty will get you further, especially if your differences spark a lively conversation.

4. Avoid obvious pick-up lines. Unless you're adept at a self-deprecating delivery and are reasonably sure she's interested, pick-up lines are a huge gamble. You want to talk to the woman, not make her the object of your games.

5. Watch her reactions. Body language tells you if a woman is interested. If she looks you in the eye, smiles, and makes an effort to continue the conversation, chances are she's interested. If she seems uncomfortable, don't push it.

6. Keep it light. Flirting with a woman is a great way to see if you have fun together. It isn't the time to hash over past relationships or family problems. Talk about movies, books or common friends.

7. Don't come on too strong. Confidence is a turn-on, being too full of yourself is not. Women are not conquests. Giving her a chance to meet you halfway shows respect.

8. Don't take rejection personally. No matter what you say, not every woman will be interested. The more you try, the more comfortable talking to women will become.

Flirting to Keep Romance Alive

1. All of the above. Refresh your flirting skills and flirt like you did when you first met. You goal then was to spark her interest and isn't that also your goal now?

2. Be spontaneous. Don't wait for date night. Flirtatious comments and glances are an unexpected surprise at the grocery store, while folding laundry, or whenever.

3. Stretch the eye contact. You're not a stranger anymore, go for the lingering look. A long look across the room contains the memories of passionate moments, hard times overcome, and shared experiences.

4. Compliment her appearance. You still think she's sexy, but she may wonder. Tell her she is beautiful, and be specific. Tell her when you like her outfit or her perfume or the way her eyes light up when she laughs.

5. Reminisce. You share a history, remind her of the excitement of your early days when your romance was new. Remind her that she is still the woman you fell in love with.

It may not feel natural, at first, but give flirting a chance. Flirting with a woman can spark a new romance or add heat to a long-term relationship. Just don't take yourself too seriously, and you might find that flirting is actually a lot of fun.

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