By having children, parents are laying the foundation and groundwork of a family. This foundation needs to be stable and strong in order to support the top of the structure, which may grow heavy or burdensome. When an untimely death occurs, the top of the structure becomes weak and may plummet without a stable support system in place.

Spousal loss cannot be equated, nor can the ramifications be tempered with any simple solutions. When your parent loses a spouse, not only have you yourself lost your father or mother, but they have lost their best friend, soul mate, and the mother or father of their children. When this occurs, your parent will be left reeling, adrift in an ocean of unfamiliarity and sorrow. You need to provide a buoy to save your living parent. This is not done easily, and it may take quite some time. Perseverance on both of your parts is paramount during this terrible hardship. It does not matter how old your parents are when one spouse departs. The loss is immeasurable and inconsolable, at least until the healing process begins.

Depending on the role that the deceased spouse played in the relationship, your surviving parent may need a lot of assistance performing their daily duties as well as the new duties that have arisen. If your parent that has died did the financial bookkeeping for the house, your living parent may need a helping hand with figuring out how to take care of those new tasks. Your parent may need help with meal preparation, laundry, vacuuming, general cleaning or yard work. Lawn care and vehicle maintenance tend to fall into the capable hands of one spouse, rendering the other inadequate perhaps in the completion of these tasks.

A parent may have relied on their spouse for many daily duties that they know nothing about. Being handy around the house, one spouse may have been responsible for regular maintenance and upkeep. These jobs now need to be done by someone else. You, as a child of your widowed parent, now must step up and help out. Whatever you can do to lighten the burden that your parent is facing will be appreciated far more than you could ever imagine.

Keeping your parent busy will help alleviate some of new found loneliness that is setting in quickly. Encourage your parent to join some local clubs, be they fitness clubs or sporting clubs. If your parent is active, they will have less time for things such as moping. Teaching your parent how to cope with life on their own will take a lot of time, energy and patience. Since your parents spent so much of their time raising you, it seems to be a simple sacrifice that should be taken on without cause for complaint.

When your parent loses a spouse, the void needs to be filled, and that job rests on your shoulders. In times of trouble and need, family must always stick together. We are made of the same substance, and we need to bind together to rebuild the solid, stable framework that is our family ties.

Learn more about this author, Bobby Coles.
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