Anyone who has worked any length of time in an office setting has run into workplace conflict. It might be office politics, backbiting, an office romance gone wrong, jealousy over a missed promotion, or simply personality conflicts.

I can't tell you how to solve workplace conflicts; if I had the answers I could join all those other 'experts' who host inspirational seminars designed to do just that. I do know first-hand the damage such conflicts can cause. The office building I worked in was a tall glass tower in Vancouver. I often wonder if the sealed environment didn't precipitate some of the trouble. There seemed to be a lot of colds and flu amongst the staff, and we swore the recycled air carried germs and viruses through the vents so that nobody could escape for long whatever bug was currently being circulated. And being sick makes you crabby.

Two secretaries in the building started a feud that lasted for years. They were both friends of mine and I was caught in the middle of a vicious battle that began to spread as people took sides, rumors flew, and tempers flared. One thing I can tell you for sure that doesn't work...don't tell either of the combatants that the other really does respect them and wishes the fight was over. I tried that in a desperate attempt to make peace. Neither woman believed me and my lies diminished my friendship with both of them.

Things finally got to the point where management had to step in. One of the women had gone on long-term stress leave and had actually been made very ill by the months of conflict. Cliques had formed which avoided each other in the cafeteria. Dirty looks and nasty comments made the whole atmosphere unpleasant to work in.

A "Retreat" was arranged for all those involved. Looking back, it seems strange that only female staff were sent on this weekend at a lodge in the mountains. Certainly male staff had been involved in spreading rumors and making nasty comments about one or the other of the two who'd started it all. But there we were, about 25 women edgily facing each other in this remote lodge where, it was hoped, the facilitators would help erase the tensions and bitter feelings.

There were group lectures, workshops, films, anecdotes designed to heal us. There were circles where we were supposed to vent our feelings and start the mending process. Did it work? No, definitely not. We only found out things others felt about us that hurt even more.
My two friends never made peace between themselves. Probably the day and a half we were there just wasn't long enough. The facilitators certainly could not have had a clear idea of what had been going on, and therefore couldn't offer more than platitudes and charts showing how much work time is lost to stress.

Back at the office we all muddled along as usual. Perhaps there was a bit less backbiting and rumor spreading, because none of us wanted to be singled out for another such session.

Years later I attended another conference, this one on Spiritual Companioning. I found this to be uplifting and wish I had known about it back in the days at the office. It teaches you how to listen to a troubled friend or relative and by asking questions such as "How did it make you feel when that happened to you?", "What do you think would make you feel better?", and "What steps do you think you could take to start feeling better?", you guide the person through their own healing.

Maybe it wouldn't have helped my two friends, but it certainly would have been worth trying.

Learn more about this author, Carolyn Paradis.
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