One of life's blessings is a good friend. I have been blessed with several good friends over the years. Some have come and gone and others have stayed over 50 years to date. We have shared loves, marriages, child birth, affairs and the ups and downs of life. This handful of good friends can always be relied on to be there when there is a friend in need, to make a call, cook a meal, just be there when I need to cry. When I suffered disappointments they build me up and they are supportive and loving and not judgmental. Beyond this I can call on any one of them for a ride to the airport, a sitter for my dog or if I needed to borrow $50. This is a good friend.

Toxic friends, we have all had them. They have something that attracts us to them like a moth to a flame. When they decide to let you be their friend you feel privileged to be welcomed into the charmed circle. In my case these have been intense; they are almost like falling in love. You talk on the phone daily, sometimes those good loyal friends get ignored while the new friend takes all the time and energy you have. My worst toxic friendship lasted almost twenty years. What did I get from it, in the early days I felt as if I was important to her and when she had a crisis, and she always had a crisis, I could be there to help her though it. I think that feeling of helping was also part of the attraction.

By the end of this "friendship" I began to realize that she was never happy for me. She resented the fact that I was happy, had a good husband and great kids. When I did have something that was bothering me and I tried to talk to her about it, she always passed over it lightly and brought the conversation back to what was going on in her life. What still amazes me today, 10 years after it ended was that she ended it, not me. It has however given me a lot of insight into myself and I realize that I need to be needed. Knowledge is power and just realizing this about myself and helped me to avoid high maintenance" friends.

Have I made new friends in the last ten years? Yes I have, one in particular has reached that last a lifetime status and I am happy to say she is charming, caring, independent and not at all "needy".

Learn more about this author, Belle Starr.
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