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full, for they hadn't eaten in three days. Wouldn't you be hungry? The door then creaked open and the same soft, sweet voice sounded, "You, young children, are eating my house! It must be because you look so like a mouse! Come, come in, please. You have to have my cheese. Who in their right mind would let you out here? I know! I know! You need some root beer!"

The voice belonged to a very, very ugly old witch. But the children only saw her ugliness covering up her sweet voice. And because she is a witch, she rhymes. If you get annoyed with rhymes, skip to the end of this tale, which isn't much farther off now.

The witch invited them in and fed them dinner, (Eating dessert before dinner, how messed up are these kids?) and offered them some comfort for the night in two nice beds with fresh linen on them. When the children woke up, the witch took Hansel and locked him up in a cage. The witch told Gretel to get some water and cook good meals for Hansel so he can become fat and the witch can eat him. (Always about food, isn't it?) Gretel cried, but did as she was told. (Who brought these kids up? Oh yeah, a manic lady and a wood-cutter'.) If you haven't caught on yet, the witch is evil. I believe she is the one that ate the Gingerbread Man.

Four weeks went by, and Hansel, the smart kid he is, kept sticking out a bone instead of his finger so that the near-blind witch would still think he was skinny. After that four weeks, the witch said she would eat him anyways. "I will boil him in water to save the flavor, so that every bite I may savor." The cauldron was brought to a boil, and the witch said, "I wish to have a pie with my dinner. Would you be a sweetie and check the oven?" (No rhyme? Weird.) When they got to the oven, the witch asked Gretel to get in and check the dough to see if it's ready. Gretel, being who she is, realized, (for once), what the witch was going to do; bake her. "But however am I going to get in there?", asked Gretel, much like a horrible soap-opera actress. "The door is big enough, my sweet. Why, even I can get in, including my feet!"

As she said this, she climbed into the oven, and Gretel shut the door and locked it. Bye-bye to the witch. ("Ouch! My legs! My bunions! Oh, look! An onion.") Gretel went and let out Hansel, and on the way out, they grabbed a huge chunk of the house to eat on the way back to their father's house. They finally found it, and went inside. "Oh my! I have worried so!", said the mother, now with a look of shock, and hate on her face. "No you haven't! I hate you and if you ever try to leave us in the woods again, I will boil you and eat you!", said Hansel.

"Hansel! I think baking would taste much better.", said Gretel. "Kids, what's the problem with her?" "Exactly. I'm perfect," said the wife. "Perfectly manic, psychotic, and any other word for crazy," said Hansel. "Now that I think about it, you are a little crazy," said the wood-cutter. "How can you listen to these kids? They're lying. MY FOOD!" (Pig.) "Good-bye wife." (No names in this tale, huh?), said the wood-cutter. And the three of them lived, somewhat, happily ever after; until the day...that's another story.

Learn more about this author, Dillon Tinsley.
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