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A long time ago, in a land not too far away well, it wasn't really all that long ago; a while ago, there was a wood-cutter and his wife, and they lived at the edge of a forest with their two children, Hansel, the boy, and Gretel, the girl. One might think that because he was a wood-cutter, and they lived beside a forest, put two and two together, they should be rolling in the dough, right? Well, it just so happens that a drought has come along and has wiped out the good trees and the wood-cutter has little job left, and therefore little money.

One night in bed, the wood-cutter asks his wife, "What are we going to do!? We have no money even for ourselves. How are we going to feed the children?" His psychotic, er, I mean, pleasant, wife replies, "Oh. We'll just take them into the woods, light a fire for them, give them each a piece of bread and leave them there for us to be rid of them forever." "Well, it sounds as though you've been thinking of this for a long time, wife." "Yeah, I have, and the kids aren't taking my food. I'm more important than they are. You would be wise, husband, to follow my word." "Fine, we just have to do it...it's for the better...of us anyways." "Yeah. And if worst comes to worst, we can always have more kids.", said the wife. The kids, who were in the next room, had heard what the mother had said, and Gretel began to cry; this is to be expected from a girl who just heard her parents plotting to leave them in the middle of nowhere.

After the old fools had fallen asleep, Hansel, being the wise young boy he was, crept outside and found a bunch of white pebbles. He stuffed them into his pocket, hoping they wouldn't fall out, and crept back into bed and told Gretel that all would be well. The crazy, er, I mean, pleasant, (I've used that before? How about nice? No? Fine. We'll leave it at crazy.) wife went in the children's room before the sun had even risen, which in itself is hard enough to wake up to, but knowing you will be left in the forest later in the day, it's even worse. She had two pieces of bread for them and said, "This is your dinner. Do not eat it because you won't get anything else from me, you little creeps." As she walked out, she said quietly, and slightly twitching, "You won't be stealing anymore food from me. My food. My food."

All four of them walked out into the forest, and every once and a while, Hansel would stop, and drop a pebble. Once they were in a small open area, and the sun had slightly risen above the horizon,

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