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Sex is often the most difficult subject to broach among couples. Our Puritan roots show up quite frequently when it comes to discussing our bedroom pasts and preferences with our partners. Ironically, most American's feel more comfortable discussing these topics with friends, and even strangers, than their lovers. Perhaps it is the level of intimacy involved that causes our anxiety. After all, friends and strangers will never see us at our most vulnerable.

Despite our reluctance to do so, it is important that we learn to open up to our partners and discuss sex. Yes, it may be one of the more uncomfortable conversations of your life at first, but in the end it is often one of the most rewarding. It shows trust and allows your lover to convey acceptance. It also brings a level of seriousness to the intimacy, showing that your physical contact is not simply a casual fling.

More importantly, it shows self respect. By sharing the important details of your sexual past, you are being honest and open. Tell him or her whether or not you've been tested for sexually transmitted infections, whether you've had many or few past partners, whether or not you have any children, and what birth control and protection you will be using. By being so honest, you will have invited them to share their past with you and let them know that you will be accepting of what they have to say. Besides, it is important to bring these details to light in the beginning of a relationship. If anything in your past, or theirs, is enough to drive you two apart, it's best to get the conversation out of the way early, before either of you gets too attached to a relationship that won't work.

In the bedroom, this talk can be more intense. It's appropriate, while you and your partner are becoming aroused, and eventually while you are engaging in sexual activities, to tell your partner what you like and dislike. Being positive is the key here. Make happy and affirmative noises when he or she does something you really like. If they do something you don't like, you have two options: use positive reinforcement by not responding unless they're doing something you like, or offer an alternative. For example, say "It's all right when you do that, but I REALLY love it when you do this instead." On the other hand, you should be very vocal if something is actually hurting you. By teaching your lover what you like early in the relationship, you will have a far more healthy, active and fun sex life in the future. You will also be thankful having the conversation early because it will become awkward, the longer you wait to have it. He or she may feel like a bad lover if you let them continue to do things you don't find pleasurable for months before finally telling them otherwise.

Sexuality is part of a relationship, and making sure that you are both happy, healthy and respectful of one another is important. Understanding each other on this level will draw you closer together and only stands to make your relationship stronger. Try to remember this the next time you find yourself on a great date, with a fun person, that is going a little faster and further than you thought.

Learn more about this author, Sarah Grau.
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