by Sandra Douglas

Created on: February 08, 2008

Last time I checked, the meaning of the word "retarded" was slow to develop or delayed.The word becomes offensive when it is used to describe an individual in a way that is demeaning.

As the parent of a "mentally slow to develop" daughter, I am not offended by the word "retarded". When the word is used to describe her mental abilities, it is a perfect description. Academically, she is far behind her peers and will never catch up. Emotionally, she is unable to interact with children her age at their level. Sure, we could come up with other words that wouldn't offend people, but what is wrong with that one?

Children make a game out of asking, "Which would you rather be, blind or deaf? Would you rather be toothless or bald?" It's a hard choice because a case can be made for either side. There are accommodations for the choice. Would you rather learn Braille or sign language? Wear a wig or false teeth? What we are really asking is which defect is more easily corrected to continue on with life as we know it.

No one asks if you would rather be retarded or, what? Dead? The difference is that with training and community support, the blind and deaf can function and have what the general public deems a decent quality of life. There are not enough accommodations to help the retarded individual lead a "normal life". There is only support.

When our children call someone a "retard", we tell them not to use that word. It's not nice. We say the same thing when our children say, "What are you, blind?" when there is a blind person standing nearby. But with mental retardation, the feelings are deeper. There doesn't need to be a blind person standing within sight to remind us, "retarded" is a place we do not want to go.

When we see a retarded individual, there is an incredible sense of sorrow, and an even greater sense of "Thank God, it's not me or one of my children." When we hear the word "retarded" or "retard", the word itself evokes feelings of sadness, so we want to change the word. Make new ones that are softer, less offensive, remind us less of the feeling we get when we see such a person.

The problem with the words "retard" and "retarded" is that hateful and immature people pick up on the power of the words to cause distress, play on our sense of "I'm glad that isn't me", and use it to degrade others. They use the strong feelings the word invokes to hurt. They use the power that we gave the word, so we change the word. Maybe try to make it something so long and complex that it cannot be tossed out as an insult, like "mentally challenged" or "intellectually incapacitated.

People think they have done their duty to the mentally retarded by getting offended at the way other people use the word, but they have not done enough. It is part of our diverse culture that there will always be people looking for ways to hurt or offend. It is up to the rest of us to make sure that a mentally retarded person is treated with the love and respect that is the right every human being. Rather than change the word, it is up to us to remove the power from the word.

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