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I am "in love". Of course, depending on the day that can "feel" differently, but I am still in love. I am married, I have three children and my lovely wife and I have been married for 13 years. Over time, our love has changed and we haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but I can definitively say that I am still "in love" and I plan to be in love with her "until death do us part". Here are a few thoughts on what "being in love" means to me.

AT THE BEGINNING

My wife and I went to college together. We met during our freshman year, and it was very exciting to be together. We talked for hours, went for walks, and as our relationship progressed we started to talk seriously about a future together. During the summers we lived at home in different states and we talked on the phone and wrote actual letters on paper! (Ah, life before email)
After we graduated, we got married and started "playing house" together. We went through that first-year honeymoon period where everything was new and fresh and exciting.

THINGS CHANGE

Our second year of marriage was tough. I got a new job and we moved to a new apartment, which was less than ideal. The newness of marriage was wearing off and we started to realize how much of a commitment it could be to stay together. To make a long story short, we powered through, driven by a commitment to make our relationship last and honoring the commitment we had made before God to love each other as He loves us.

FAMILY

After a few years of marriage, we entered into the sacred commitment of parenthood, which, needless to say, changed everything again. Now we had someone else to focus on, which at times gave us a definitive unity, and other times created an environment where we focused totally on the child and never on each other as adults. This is not unusual for new parents as parenting is an all-consuming venture. Fast-forward to today and we now have three children, which are a blessing to experience, but also dominate our lives far more than we could have imagined when we had our first.

MATURITY AND GROWTH

We are still in love. The love is different, but it is there and we are determined to keep it alive. It hasn't always been easy. Sometimes we have had to "decide" to love each other because the feelings definitely weren't there. We've both probably tried at times to change the other person, with some success and some failure. Some things we have had to accept as "agree to disagree" items, which occasionally is distracting but most of the time is fine. What we have also learned is that a relationship must be worked on forever. We still have to date and go away every once in a while without the children. Also, we have learned that being in love can still bring "fireworks", but can also be just sitting together on the couch and enjoying each others company.

I still look forward to talking to my wife on the phone every day. And, I still look forward to coming home and giving her a hug. We have our moments where we have conflict, and I can always improve as a husband, but we are "in love". I look forward to our future together.

Learn more about this author, Todd Pheifer.
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