by Debra Herring

Created on: February 08, 2008

Grandparents play an important part in a child's development. Strong connections with grandparents foster confidence in growing children. Having a grandparent in your child's live is a privilege.

It is often hard for a grandparent to stand back and let their child parent. Their role thus far has been as a parent to guild their child. When your child becomes a parent themselves, however, it is time to step back and trust that you have taught your child well and set a good example.

This is also a difficult time for the grandparent, as they must define their role balanced with their own lifestyle. Modern day grandparents no longer fit the stereotype of the retired and inactive grandparent of the past - many are still active in the workforce, and improvements in health allow senior citizens to be physically active well into later life.

Respecting your child's wishes and supporting their choices in education, occupation, and in marriage builds a firm relationship on which to base your relationship as a grandparent to their children. Foster a good relationship not only with your child but with their spouse and in-laws.

Allow your child to be the parent. Do not offer advice unless asked, and when asked, present in an open-ended way that your child can accept or reject. Do not be offended if your child rejects your advise, it is not a personal rejection of you, but rather of a particular thought or idea.

Clarify your child's rules for their children and follow them in your own interactions with your grandchildren. Present a united front with your child when discipline is necessary. Don't undermine your child's rules or disciplinary measures.

When you child comes to you with parenting challenges, address them in a non-confrontational way. Praise them for doing a good job, and discuss various remedies for the current problem. Don't assume the way you did it is the right way or is the method that will work with your grandchild.

Acknowledge that there are new theories and techniques in child-rearing that weren't used when your children were young. What was the common trend in one generation may decline in the next generation, only to reappear in the next. Don't judge or criticize your child's parenting style, especially in the presence of the grandchildren.

Let your child make their own decisions regarding the children and the parenting style they choose. The only exception to this rule would be if you recognize that the child's welfare is in jeopardy, in which case it is your responsibility to be the child's advocate and to take proper measures to protect the child.

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