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your spouse forgets to pick up the dry cleaning. This could be a minor annoyance that feels worse after sitting in rush hour traffic, or it could be a symptom of resentment over an unequal division of household responsibilities.

How do you tell the difference? First, don't be quick to complain when something bothers you. There is something to be said for counting to ten, or to twenty, or to a hundred. Speaking in anger, or when you are in a bad mood, is likely to lead to saying things you don't really mean and will regret later.

When you are feeling better, try to objectively think about what was bothering you before. Often, it's hard to even remember what had you in such a bad mood, but if the issue is still there you will have to find a way to address it (step 3).

2. Let Go of Minor Complaints

While Lohr and his colleagues found that venting bad feelings doesn't not make them go away, they did find that angry feelings fade more quickly when the anger is controlled. Taking deep breaths, relaxing, or finding a distraction can all help control negative feelings.

Anything that takes you out of the angry state will make the feelings disappear more quickly than if you dwell on them by complaining, either out loud or in your own thoughts.

If simple relaxation or distracting techniques are enough to make you forget the problem, it may not be worth mentioning later, even when you feel better. By criticizing your partner for unimportant irritations, you are bringing unnecessary tension to the relationship.

Consider the consequences of your partner's behavior, if any. If your spouse whistles in the shower, how does this affect you? If your partner prefers to put forks in the dishwasher right side up and you like them upside down, is it worth fighting over?

Also, keep in mind that the same things you once found charming, can seem irritating when you begin living with your partner, or simply when you are in a bad mood. Give it time and those quirks may become endearing again.

If there are negative consequences to your partner's behavior, those issues need to be addressed. It can be difficult to share your life with another person and some compromises may need to be made on both sides. These compromises will not be reached by complaining, but rather through open discussions.

However, if your partner is physically or emotionally hurting you, or anyone else, it is a serious problem. It is not your fault or your responsibility to take the abuse. Seek help from

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