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The value of sex in making up after fights is overrated. Sexual intercourse is fabulous if it is used for the right reasons. If it is used as a cop-out to avoid the real problem at hand then it loses its value and cheapens the relationship. There are many reasons to support this line of thinking.

Many people think that a sexual connection is important in a relationship. This is an accurate assumption. The inaccuracy comes when they begin to believe that sex is everything or that sex will cure all pain. Sex doesn't make problems go away. It does make your body feel good but you can't forgive heart-breaking problems with your body.

Sex is often used as an excuse not to deal with the problem. Couples that lack the proper communication and problem solving skills to work through things will resort to physical contact. They convince themselves and each other that because they are having sex everything is going to be okay.

It is a common misconception that sex is needed after a fight. What is truly needed is a solution that both people can deal with. If a couple uses sex as a temporary fix then the problem is only put on the backburner. It still exists and will come back again.

Couples that use sex to solve their problems will soon find that it becomes the basis of their relationship. They begin to use sex as a scapegoat and a way not to have to look at the bigger picture or connect on another level. If you take the sex away, they have nothing in common.

Some people enjoy hostile sex. This happens when they convert their anger and pain into sexual energy. Although this type of sex may seem like a turn on, it is not healthy. If a couple's motivation for sex is to get their aggressions out, it isn't as enjoyable as it should be.

Relationships need an emotional aspect. Couples must learn that disagreeing doesn't mean that things are over. It only means that they must learn to find a common ground outside of intercourse. For every fight that a couple can get through, the stronger their relationship becomes.

Couples must learn that talking isn't a bad thing. When they are able to discuss things with words they will find that the true value is in communication and the love that they share together. The couple will find that solving things without sex makes them stronger and helps them build a deeper connection.

Once a connection is formed and problem-solving skills are developed then sex becomes part of the bonus plan. In this sense sex can be used to celebrate a happy conclusion. Once a couple figures out that sex can't be used as a substitute for true problem solving methods, the sooner they will be able to find the true value of sex in their relationship.

Learn more about this author, Laura Leigh Fields.
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