by Krystle Hernandez

Created on: February 07, 2008

Good friends are few and far between. But what really defines a "good friend"? Relationships are complicated and ever-changing. They can be solidified in one instant and they can be destroyed in the next. Many people often find themselves in a situation where there may be underlying sexual tensions between their significant others and their best friends. So, the question is, when the fine line between tension or fantasy and action is crossed, what do you do? Would you forgive your friend for sleeping with your man?

Like any relationship, this question is complicated on many different levels. Lots of factors come into play when making the decision to forgive or forget. First and foremost, let's take a look at your friendship. How long has your friend been your friend? Has she been there for you through thick and thin? Has she never done anything to possibly hurt you? Did she come forth willingly with the information about sleeping with your man? Or was she caught red-handed? The answers to these questions make a startling difference as to whether or not you could potentially forgive her.

In a similar manner, you must question your relationship with your partner. How deep is your relationship? How long have you been together? Does he really care for you, even if it is just as a friend?

In my opinion, two consenting, mature adults who decide to become intimate based on love have every right to do so. That being said, I also think that they should have enough maturity to understand and consider a third person's feelings when that person is stuck smack dab in the middle of their sexually tense relationship. In other words, you can't prevent two people from falling in love, even if those two people are currently in the roles of "best friend" and "significant other" when it comes to your life. But, if they do fall in love, they should be responsible enough to postpone their relationship until they have discussed your feelings with them. If the love is really there and their intimacy is not based on purely physical attraction, the idea of the 'forbidden' or any other unjust reason, then they can wait to be together until they have tied up any lose ends.

The fact of the matter is, there will be some situations in life when best friends and significant others end up falling for each other; however, this does not mean that they should have carte blanche when it comes to you and your feelings. If they both really cared about you, they would come to you with their feelings and at least give you the respect to digest and acclimate to the new situation on your own. If your friend is a good friend, despite her feelings for your current man, then you should forgive her. Sometimes, you can't help who you fall in love with. And, if she does come forward before anything has actually happened, then at least you can respect her for giving you the same respect. Same goes for a man who truly cares for you enough to show you enough respect to tell you what's going on instead of attempting to hide things so that they don't have to face up to their decisions.

By the same token, if a "good" friend and a current significant other decide to go ahead and do what they please without any consideration for me or my feelings, I do not think I would be so quick to forgive and forget. Things don't just "happen." Mature adults have self control and own up to their actions in a responsible manner.

Learn more about this author, Krystle Hernandez.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.