It wasn't so long ago that I just felt so incomplete. Swimming around in the waiting woom before being selected for a partnership assignment in the warm pool, certainly had its moments. There were all kinds of wumors spreading around. Even heard that cable would be piped in soon. After all they kept me awake playing those whiny dolphin sounds every moment I tried to catch a nap.

Food's been pretty good too. Near enough every time my naval need nourishment a whole stream of taste would flow right in. That's why I didn't understand what was happening on day one.

There I was, naval twitching, feeling empty and waiting for a large intake of shrimp and noodles, when it began. The light shone in and I swam to the back of the cove as fast as I could. Oh the light, please stop. My head. Close it back up and send in the noodles. I'll stop kicking, I promise. The tide turned against me and I had no more strength to stay perched up at the back. Suddenly the light became the place to be. Surfs up I thought as I jumped on the wave and headed over to the opening. Then it stopped and the sea became smooth again. Maybe I was going to get my noodles after all.

The noise, oh the noise. I heard the noise before I felt what was in store for me next. The light returned and I heard voices over the noise. Back whom, back whom. What the amniotic sack was a back whom? Duck shone, duck shone, what planet was I about to land on? Then it became clearer. Vacuum and suction, then whoaaa. Holy mother of

My head, my poor head. What were they doing with me? First off, some guy turns me upside down and slaps me. What would you do? Of course I cried. Like a baby. Then they start wiping me down. Excuse me, excuse me don't go there, no wait, ooooh. Hey, I hardly know you. You must owe me dinner now?

Then the blankets. How many times are you going to wrap that thing around me? How am I going to eat if you've covered up my naval? At that point they handed me to the aliens. After a lot of stares, tears, smiles and bad odors, it dawned on me that I missed lunch. I started to tell them. It was a different language but they caught on pretty fast. They knew I was hungry, they even said it amongst themselves. So why were trying to put that thing in my mouth. That's not where my food goes. How unhygienic is that?

They were out of control, they were big and they leaked, but there was a strange familiarity about them. When in Rome I guess, chow's up. This one on the left is faulty, doesn't seem to be working so well. Here, let me get back on the other one. That's better. Not exactly shrimp and noodles, but it was wet and warm.

I'm stuffed; you can take those things away now. What's that noise? Is that coming from me? Oooops, excuse me, sorry, I'm so embarrassed. Hey, cleanup in aisle number two please. Thanks guys, much appreciated. Why's she rubbing my back? Feels kinda good. You sure you should be doing that after I've just finished eating? Quick hold me up, hold me up, I'm gonna.. blaggghhh. Sorry again. Wow, it really seems to blend in with that shirt.

Yaawwwn. I'm exhausted, what a day! I'll let them know I'm ready to be shown where to lay my misshapen, vacuumed head. Hey, room service, yoo hoo, boo hoo! Ahhh, that's nice. I think I'm going to like it here. The service is pretty good and so far they seem pretty happy with me. I'll leave it for about 8 days before I give them a tip. Good night!

Learn more about this author, Michael Katz.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Short stories: The first day of a baby's life?
We want to hear your view. Write now!