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My Ex husband is a crack addict. The life we lived was wild n could have a movie made out of it. it affected each one of us differently, negatively and everlasting.Looking back from start to finish i cant honestly say I would do it over. I do wonder tho if i would have learned to love myself if I didn't.

I met him at Burger King.I was 19 and all starry eyed when he flashed his dimples and smiled. that was all it took, i was head over heels. I managed to convince myself he was great and over looked the red flags that age and wisdom brings us. Even though there were quite a few. He was my cousins homie, which gave him auto brownie points. We hung out and got to know each other over the next couple of months. Then he left to New Mexico with my cousin and i didn't see him again till a couple of years later. My cousin had passed away murdered by the police so I felt close to him. Like a part of my cousin was still alive between us.

At first i didn't know. Did not have a clue! I was still young and naive. He had went to prison for being one of those gangsters. You just gotta love those bad boys. I thought he just sold drugs once he got out,and maybe he did for a while. we moved to a different state and thats when the truth came falling out.

First he started disappearing. Staying gone nights at a time. Then people started telling me he was a smoker.I was devastated because I was alone in another state and my other half was hanging me out to dry. Then I got pregnant. I worked 2 jobs to support me and my children, was puking every morning and he would do things like not come home to watch the kids while I was at work. not take and pick me up from work. and the fighting was constant along with the eviction notices.

Things kept getting worse. Cheating, arguing, lying, stealing, fighting, along with felonies i wont mention. The turning point for me was when one day we had went to a motel on the run from the cops. 2 days before the cops came to the dope spot and arrested me and my nephew because my husband walked out and left us there. I suffered a beating. and was looking at 4 to 8 years in prison. we started talking about things and the kids which were in CPS custody. I had lost everything including any kind of self respect. My heart was bleeding as i looked up at him and he had dope in his hand rolling it up into a cigarette. I broke then telling him he had to make a choice. "if you hit that crack you will never see me again." The lighter flicked and he hit it. I walked out and didn't see him again for a long time.

I have changed my life dramatically since then. it took lot of soul searching and hard work on me inside to undo the damage. And it is a work in progress still to this day. I learned valuable lessons, of course the hard way. Most of all i learned to love myself. I learned that the cycle of addiction affects everybody, not just the addict. There was Lot of falling and bumping my head in my journey. Life is what you make it though and I'm making mine the best that I can.

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