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"How To Answer The FAT Question"

Men, how many times has the woman in your life asked you. "Do these pants make me look fat?" Now, it doesn't have to be pants, it could be any outfit they try on, but you get the idea. This is a question that can lead to injury, dismemberment, or even death if not answered correctly. But is there a correct way to answer?

The lady asking the question already knows the answer. She's looked in the mirror. She knows by the way the pants fit if they are too tight and apt to accentuate trouble areas on her body. So why does she ask? Does she secretly hop that she will look better in person than she does in the mirror? Does she want to see if the man in her life will lie to her? It doesn't matter what you say, she'll wear them if she thinks she looks good, but you may be frozen out if you answer wrong.

She comes to you wearing a pair of tight orange stretch pants that have been stretched to the limit over a more than ample butt. Here comes the question: "Honey, do these pants make me look fat?" She gives you that look that says, "I really don't know and would like your opinion." Careful now. Think this over real good. If she looks good to you, say so. If it looks like two pumpkins stuffed in a sack, don't say so.

The spoken word does not infer the spelling of said word. Sometimes the definition of the word isn't clear. By "fat" does she mean plump, thick, or obese? When she says "fat" does she really mean "phat"? "Phat" is a slang word used to mean cool or attractive. Here is your solution to the problem.

"Do these pants make me look fat?"

"Oh, yeah, baby. You sure look Phat in that outfit!" This is better said with a smile, or leer.

"What? Do you really think I look fat?" She's now looking around for something to throw.

At this point you had better explain that you mean "phat", not "fat". She will then take your response as a compliment.

Please refrain from too much explanation. If you add, "You look so phat, I don't know if it's safe to take you out in that outfit", she may turn on you with, "So you do think I look fat! You're ashamed to be seen with me!"

Sometimes you just can't win.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Foster.
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