by Katie Lee

Created on: February 05, 2008

A first date brings with it many things. Excitement. Expectations. Interest. Nervousness. Fun.

What it shouldn't bring are certain conversational land mines' that may well blow up in your face and shatter any hopes you had of garnering a second date. So what are the Do's' and Don't's' of First Date Conversations?

The Do's

Do be yourself. Don't try and be someone you're not. If you're not a normally high energy person, pretending that you are may get you through the first few dates but at some point, your real self will surface and then you'll have some explaining to do. That's not to say you shouldn't be engaging. Really listen to your date and respond to their comments in a way that keeps the conversation flowing. If your date talks about visiting an exotic locale, ask them for details. You might learn some fascinating things during the course of that conversation.

Do be diplomatic. The first date is not the time to engage in highly charged debates. If your date says something that you find objectionable, by all means address that but do so in a polite, diplomatic manner. That way you won't be left in an awkward situation for the rest of the night. If your date says something really objectionable, you have the option to just leave and not see the person again. Remaining diplomatic allows you to take the high road, and helps you to maintain your reputation. Sometimes the dating world is smaller than you think.

Do be funny. You don't have to be Chris Rock or Jerry Seinfeld to let your sense of humor shine through. Being able to laugh and have fun with the conversation is one of the best ways to show someone your personality. And you'll have a good time, which depending on how the date goes, may be the only thing you get to take away from that first date.

The Don't's

Don't talk about past relationships. This is a really big, but avoidable, land mine. You may not be over all the issues you had with your ex, or your date may have issues as well. You never know how volatile those issues are, and the first date isn't the time and place to find this out. Talking about exes is always a tricky, sticky subject matter, even in long-term relationships so definitely avoid it on the first date.

Don't talk about religion and politics. Like past relationships, these are sensitive, tricky subject areas that are best left for later dates once your relationship is on more solid grounds.

Don't interview' your date. Asking questions is a great way to get to know someone but don't treat your first date like you would an interview. Ask questions as they arise in context of the conversation in other words, go with the flow.' Let the conversation steer you. You'll know you're having a good date when the conversation flows easily and freely. You'll know you're having a bad date if you're running through a list of questions in your head just to keep the awkward silence at bay.

Don't have high expectations. Going into your first date, it's normal to have expectations, but keep those expectations at realistic levels. Don't be daunted if your date says things that give you pause. No one is perfect. Take note of those answers but remember that the first date is really about getting to know someone enough to consider whether you want to know more about them. Also consider that your date might be nervous, or holding back a little (since it is just the first date). So if your date is not exactly the most charismatic, witty and sublimely wonderful individual you've ever met, consider that the person may be hiding out a little. . .at least until the second date.

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