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Play President For Me

The candidate enters the room. Applause, excited whispers. Candidate strides to the podium, scanning the crowd, making sure the cameras are on. Halfway to the podium the candidate pauses. Eyebrows go up, mouth opens, surprise registers and up comes the arm, pointing to someone in the audience. A dozen people start swiveling their heads to catch a glimpse of the anointed. Finding no-one, a full half will be amazed that the candidate actually remembered them from that meet and greet 5 years ago. Wow!

At the podium, candidate remembers to smile, sometimes pointing again and mouthing an imaginary conversation with another good friend they're surprised, surprised to find in another area of the audience. Finally, hands up, palms out, a look of humility, before registering whatever emotions have been scripted for that particular venue. Now, down to business.

The script may vary but there are certain established rules that Democrat candidates must follow if they are to have a chance at the brass ring. Image is first and foremost. Apparel, accessories, makeup and hairdo determine that important first connection.

For women: A business suit accompanied by a touch of lace or jewelry to remind the voters that they are still feminine. No pants suits, unless you have fat legs. (Fat legs bring forth negative images and poll worse than pant suits) Easy on the make-up or you'll suffer the fate of Kathleen Harris, however botox is highly recommended for candidates over 50. Showing cleavage is risky. You could be consigned to the ranks of trailor trash or you could be lucky and be the focus of a national conversation for up to a week. Generally not recommended.

For men: For important debates, a red power tie is mandatory. For county fairs, its recommended that jacket be removed and sleeves pushed up to show you're a regular guy. Color co-ordination is important and in informal venues, a stray lock of hair falling over eyebrows is recommended to show how natural you are. For younger candidates, a touch of gray at the temples gives the necessary gravitas.

The life of a candidate is not easy. Varying from the script can cost crucial votes. It is essential to couch all answers in the most general terms so as to avoid alienating an important voting bloc. Taking a stand is not recommended. At this stage of the game, it is essential to appear to be all things to all people. Only a novice gets sidetracked by the issues.

Also important is to know where the cameras are at

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