by Ellie Tat

Created on: February 05, 2008   Last Updated: July 04, 2008

Your baby wants to be held at all times and by mom only. She would not be picked up by anyone else, not even dad. She defies routine. She would only sleep in your arms and if you manage to put her down on the bed next to you, she will wake up frequently, just to make sure you are still there. She will nurse all day and all night long. She will let you know loudly, if something is not to her satisfaction. That something is usually mommy being more than two feet away; at least, there is no need to guess why the baby is crying. If all this sounds familiar, then you have a high need baby.

Dr Sears used this term to describe a baby with higher than average need for attention, comfort and physical contact. His book "The Fussy Baby" deals at length with the traits of the high need babies and offers advice on caring for and living with them. You may find most of Dr Sears's strategies of little practical value for your baby, or if you are able to put them into practice, they may not make your life any easier. Even so, it is a great relief for thousands of parents to get professional recognition that there is nothing wrong with their parenting and there is nothing wrong with their babies, they are just different.

Dr Sears suggests that these babies are just the way they need to be. They are not spoilt, but demand the extra attention, because this is what they need to develop optimally due to characteristics of their personalities and nervous systems. By constantly holding the baby, attending promptly to her cries and inviting her into their beds, parents are meeting their baby's genuine needs.

The single most powerful survival strategy is to accept your baby for what she is. Once you stop wasting days on end trying to make her resemble your or other people's idea of what a baby should be, you now have all this time to be in the present moment and enjoy your special connection with your child. You may even be able to squeeze in a few chores, but don't be too harsh on yourself if you can't. Make sure to spare a minute and find a good massage therapist for your sore back. You don't have a sore back? It is just a matter of time. And in the unlikely event you find volunteers to baby sit while you are enjoying your massage, remember to turn your mobile off.

As well as making your life more enjoyable, when you allow your baby to be herself, you will suddenly appreciate the unique little person you have in your arms. She is sensitive, spirited, passionate and determined. She has endless energy, she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it. Hopefully, your baby will take all these qualities into adulthood and you have been blessed with the challenge to help her along the way.

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