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just thinking about stuff, lots of kinds of stuff - which also occasionally leads to some great insights (except when I fall asleep just when I'm on the verge of an amazing revelation).

The hardest insight ever was learning that I'm not unique! Two or three times during my tenure on a recent job, we were given personality profile tests. I thought it was ridiculous and that I was too unique to be categorized by answers on a standardized questionnaire.

But every time I've taken a similar test, even if I try to fudge a little, I come out in exactly the same category, with the same characteristics as 10% of the population! I was crushed! I liked thinking of myself as being different.

I expressed my amazement and (I confess) disappointment on the computer, got it out of my system, and finally acknowledged that it felt better knowing I wasn't totally a black sheep, although I did fall into one of the smaller categories. It was nice to know that if I could find some of the others, I'd probably find some new friends who wouldn't think me so strange (found one right where I worked; actually, he recognized me in a meeting and mentioned it later). That can be important to someone who has come to regard herself as pretty much of a loner due to lingering bits of childhood insecurities, along with thinking that doesn't always align with the expectations of others.

I've learned about myself and a lot about the world in general by writing, and it's been very good for me. It gets rid of the self-pity that occasionally appears, has helped me to better understand what is and what isn't particularly unique about me, and keeps me moving forward rather than looking back.

As I said, I'm not sure that writing as cheap therapy is the solution for everyone. But if you decide to try it, be sure you have some privacy and adequate time, and just start your rant and let it out. Don't edit your thoughts, just get them down on paper, whether it be virtual or physical paper. This will not be rated by other writers or potential publishers. It's private. Be honest with yourself. See what insights you come up with. Forgive a few people, most especially yourself. As they say, just do it! If it feels good, do it again.

If it doesn't feel good, find a therapist! I know there are good ones out there. I just don't have much luck finding them. Maybe you'll do better.

Learn more about this author, Sondra Deuber.
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