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Made me feel like Vomiting

Cloverfield promised much but delivered a feeling of illness. First of all I wonder if anyone on the production staff even watched the movie in its entirety after they edited it. It made me feel like vomiting. I'm not saying that to be mean, but it honestly made me feel nauseous. Cloverfield could have been a good movie, but it was not. I wanted to like it. I liked Blair Witch. I do appreciate what they were attempting to do, but on more than one occasion I considered walking out. I only stayed because I was invested. The shaky hand-held camera (think "Blair Witch" gone wrong) was not only over the top but it distracted from the story. It could have been done better. Sure he was supposed to be an amateur camera operator but did he have to be THAT BAD at it? Couldn't he have at least had some prior experience with a video camera? And let me reiterate, because it cannot be said enough; this movie made me feel sick. I even turned my cell phone back on briefly to check the time near the end. I found myself estimating the length of the movie, counting down the minutes till it was over. And the plot was very underweight. If you don't want the story spoiled for you stop reading this review now. I don't mind spoiling this movie because it was just that bad and you deserve to know before you pay two and half gallons worth of gas money to see this film. Aside for that, the first ten seconds of the movie leads the viewer to correctly assume the ending anyway.

PlotA huge sky-scraper sized monster is rampaging through Manhattan accompanied by a multitude giant crab-lice roughly the size of a very large dog. Some average Joe takes his buddies (one carrying a video camera) on an excursion to rescue his girl-friend who's trapped in her apartment building in the heart of the attack zone. The military is out in full force trying to combat the creatures and doing a poor job. There are some scenes that would have been really cool if the camera had been a little less shaky. Honestly, if I am expected to believe that he keeps filming while trying to fight off and outrun giant crap-lice, than I can believe he'd hold the camera just a little steadier just a little. There is some good action and decent suspense in a few places that made it entertaining enough to stomach through a few more minutes here and there.

The dialogue is boring and the characters are underdeveloped and one-dimensional. However Lizzie Caplan, even though her character made the least amount of sense as part of the group stood out a bit above the others because she exuded the sense that there was something deeper going on with her. But like the rest of the movie this is not developed because apparently the director thought that the shaky camera added enough to satisfy the palate of anyone outside of the seventh grade.

One of the dumbest parts involves the trapped girlfriend. Here we have a girl who has been impaled through her chest just above her heart by rebar and trapped for six hours, is easily rescued. Once she is relieved of the impalement, which would have caused anyone else to bleed to death, gets up just fine and proceeds to run down 57 flights of stairs, across town and board a helicopter with the greatest of ease.

On the plus side there are a couple decent camera shots of an otherwise really interesting looking monster. But you are never given any information that provides an explanation for where the monster came from or how the little critters are related to the big monster. There is a vague notion that it may have come out of the sea because of a capsized oil tanker and damage to the statue of liberty.

All the main characters die. Nothing is resolved.

The end.

Learn more about this author, Jay Moody.
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