1 of 7

Write now Article Tools

Page 3 of 3

than most memories are. Some who undergo serve abuse do not create alters to hold that abuse but some do, our brains were given that to keep that part of horror away from us until those alters that hold the memory choose to give it to us or to keep us in the dark forever from what we suffered. I say "we" because not only do I go through the abuse although forgotten, the alter who took over my memory of it did also, and there it is stored. I have not gotten a lot of memory back, the little ones hold most of it and they are afraid to tell, "bad men, bad things" and a glimpse of what would be like a snapshot of time has been offered up but nothing else and to probe creates such anxiety that I physically can not handle it.

My memories get offered up as if puzzle pieces, a smell (a whiff of tobacco, cherry pipe tobacco, roses, flowers, none of which are around me) a feeling as if being touched in private parts when no one is touching me, or feeling of someone on me, the struggle I had with one of my rapes. And it is like it is up to me to put these pieces together, and after 10 years some of them still escape me. I know one of the smells is a mixture of tobacco and makeup, it is the smell of my mom, but why I have it I don't know.

As a teen after my first rape I got diagnosed as bi-polar, as an older adult other labels got placed on me, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anxiety/Depression and finally

MPD.

I have a wonderful psychologist who knows how to work with mpd, she has taught me to see it as a blessing and how to love all those inside me for they took a lot of abuse, and they deserve the respect for it. How to communicate with them and listen when they speak to me.

I know now, I am not "crazy" and in all reality I probably was not lying as a child, and being a "psycho mom" was all parts of me expressing something I was not dealing with so another did it for me, leaving me with no clue they did it. But I have learned to accept the responsibility of it for it is me, I am the one ultimately responsible for us all. Not always easy, for sometimes I need to be told I did something to take the responsibility for it but we are learning and we are learning to communicate more, but they still do things at times which I have idea and reality sets in, I am me but I am them too!

Learn more about this author, Samantha Pratt-Tyler.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2
• 3

Add your voice

Know something about Multiple personalities and the roles they play within the same person?
We want to hear your view. Write now!