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How do you like Your celebrities served up? Do you ever wonder what a celebrity looks like when they wake up, go to the bathroom or have real sex? Do they feel fat or flabby, do they have bad hair days?

Imagine waking up next to Brad. The sun is streaming through Muslin curtains and the waves are rolling in the distance. He rolls over to kiss you good morning and blasts you with his morning breath! Definitely not "Meet Joe Black", more like Joe Black breath!

What if, having faced that obstacle, he's a 3 second wonder? What do you do then? Will his rippling torso and awesome butt compensate for these things? You know I would actually rather not think about it quite honestly. For me the biggest sacrilege would be to catch Ray Liotta on the can picking his nose, Yuk! There's no way in hell that I could possibly fantasize to that picture. Never mind seeing your favorite hunk blitzing a pimple on his back! Think back to when you were a teenager and drooling over posters of hot guys. Did you ever imagine them sitting on the toilet? Did you ever imagine what they smelt like after a game of football or having to wash their dirty jockstraps? No way, there was always a golden glow surrounding them and they smelt like heaven.

So in essence I think that I would like the male celebrity to keep their unattainable status. Heaven forbid that they may actually be your normal belching, farting and ball scratching man!

But this does not apply to the women of Tinseltown. I take evil pleasure in knowing that Julia has stretch marks after the twins and that Cameron has a pizza face. It makes me feel really good about myself. I know that makes me a low down rotten sport but I don't care! Personally I think that the damage done by women's magazines would be greatly reduced by pieces that rip these Cinderella's apart. Sad but true, I am desperately insecure when my man makes a comment about some awesome looking woman on TV... I also know as a modern woman that I should be past these things.However the sheer joy of seeing the perfect woman ripped to shreds makes my overweight and pimply self seem vaguely likable.

But I say, gloves off, take every advantage you can get and may all the beautiful women out there get cellulite.

Learn more about this author, Simone Bonnett.
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