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Friendship Drama & Issues

Friends versus family: When friendship interferes

Rock, foundation, back-stop! That's how many see the family! But then there are friends, who, for many, are an extended family, or even a family they feel they don't have. But what if friendship values supercede family values? What if friendship even threatens the family unit? There is both a positive and a negative case for friendship invading the family space.

Positive interference from friends is affirmative, constructive interference
* The teenage years are often labeled "the restless years". These are the times when growing up seems to be all about finding individuality. These are the years when the individuality quest can mean finding trouble as well. Families are often the ones who pay for the damage bill and set you back on track. And friends? Often, this is the time when you really find out who you're true friends are. Some will walk beside you, but many will be more engrossed in their own problems. This is the time when you find what friends are like your extended family, sharing the load, but not leading you into more trouble against your family.
* Being in your 20's are the "travelling" years. This is the time when you may set up home for yourself away from family. You may physically travel abroad and live for a time overseas. You may simply get a job, so that less time is spent with the family. This is when friends will occupy more space than the family. In some ways, friends become a substitute family; the family you have when you're real family can't be there. Friends can be priceless now!
* The older years, when marriage, your own family or career may be a time when family seems like fringe dwellers on your life. Friends seem closer, actively participating in your life because you see them frequently, but yet you know family may only be a phonecall away.
* The best kind of interference from friends here is the kind that lifts you up when family judges you or lets you down. These are moments when intrusion is a lifesaving comfort.

Conclusion: Positive interference from friends can add value to the family world; even becoming part of the family world. But always be conscious, friends have a right to drift away, following their own quests in life.

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Negative interference from friends breeds civil war
* In those restless teenage years, friends may take you away from family. They understand your needs and attitudes and values; but the family is bogged down in traditions and you are totally misunderstood


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