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Dear Fear,

I sit here shaking as I fight back these tears you instilled in my eyes, my heart, and my life. I've been avoiding this letter to you because I thought I was so much tougher than you are...at least today! You must have a white streak painted down your back.

Like the coward that you are, you lay in wait as you perched on my subconscious. Preying on me in my dreams had to be the most impersonal and violating sense of private voyeurism. This time everything appeared to me as being much more vivid, had such detail that I'll never forget. As I lay sleeping, unknowing of what was to be so morbidly discovered in the wake of a dance I attended and just happen to pull into a quick stop gas station.

I should have been conscious, even in my dream, but I wasn't. As soon as I went in to turn in my golden high-heeled shoes, I was pummeled with some sort of black soot being sprayed in my face was like this guy was foolishly playing his form of paint ball. Though, I believe it was you...yeah you...don't act all innocent. Your strange way of foreshadowing what was about to unfold.

Walking out of the store with my best friend, it was around 10 PM, I, being a mom, asked my friend where her son was. He was playing in the soggy shadows of shrubbery right next to the gas station's door. And here you come, pounding on my heart and causing me to hyper-ventilate.

Right by a gas pump...on the concrete, I could see a human figure, although it was very small. As I ran over to see if I could help in any way possible, you filled this obviously very scared mom as high as you could with a mom's horrifying nightmare.

It was my little boy, Matthew. Tears streaming down my face, you made sure I was aware of each and every detail. Barely able to speak, let alone yell, I was touching his hands, his chest, and then I saw a preacher. I said, "Is he alive"? "By the grace of God ma'am, yes he is alive".

He lay there as I was very territorial by keep the cars from further hurting him. The only thing not right was Matthew's legs. One was just his foot twisted around and the other was halfway down his knee, there was another break that was bent upward. All I wonder is why in the world is he out this late wearing his blue and burgundy airplane pajamas.

Finally, the ambulance got there and you must have been that skunk I saw earlier...too cocky to come out of the shadows. Yes, you put fear in me, but did you have to cut so deep. A mom should never have to be confronted with such a scene. I hate you for scaring me, yet I guess its better that it was in a dream and not reality. And yes...Fear, you are feared...I'm still shaking and in tears!

P.S. I had to call Matthew and make sure he is alright. Of course, he was, although he had much concern for me...I only cried talking to my mom.

Always a Concerned Mom

I just had this dream, so please understand if FEAR sincerely shook me up.

Learn more about this author, Jani Joy.
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