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wondering then if he was still married, wondering why he'd waited so long to let me know who he was. It happened in May or June of 2007. I still occasionally spend hours wide awake at night, still wondering if I should call, or even contact him at all, even crying a little once in a while from the deepest and most enduring pain of my life, and the only thing, so far, about which I have deep regrets.

That, my friends, is love. I was in love with Bill from the first moment I saw him. Throughout our relationship, I stopped being in love with him and began to love him, and it is a love that has lasted a lifetime. It took me a good part of my life to understand that.

A few nights ago, I had a moment of pure understanding. I realized that all of the other men in my life were there because I was trying to find a relationship even almost as good as the one I'd thrown away. None of them, not a single one, came close.

If you have an extraordinary relationship with someone who is intelligent and caring, respects you, protects you, and obviously loves you very much, don't let your inner insecure child make a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Better to take the risk that you'll both outgrow your youthful angst and still have each other, for better or for worse, than to throw it away only to learn when it's too late that you were so very wrong in abandoning the best thing that ever happened to you, and doing so for all the wrong reasons.

Are we ever really in love? I have been. A more important question is whether we can ever really love someone. Yes. We most certainly can.

If you're in the central valley and know a Bill M. that recognizes my name, please ask him to read my response to the question this article addresses. The only thing I want is that he understand what happened and why, in case I never get up the nerve to call.

Never calling would be the second regret in my life.

Learn more about this author, Sondra Deuber.
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