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When the school year ended, we met up almost everyday to hang out during the summer. It was a rather playful relationship, and I soon fell head over heals for her. The only problem was that as the same time my crush developed, so had our friendship. Looking back, this was probably more of a blessing than a problem, but at the time I thought that there was no way a girl like her would see a guy like me as anything more than a friend. She had naturally light blond hair and stunning blue eyes. Her presence struck anyone she encountered in an instant. She was a bit of a rebel and did what she wanted. I admired her in so many ways, and she's had an immeasurable impact in the person I am today. Her generosity didn't stop as a nine year old giving me candy on the playground. I've never met a person who cared so much about the people around her. When I would get dumped in high school, she was there to pick me up and vow revenge against whatever girl had broken my heart. When I was down about anything, I could count on her to make me feel like nothing else mattered. When we went on spring break together, I bragged for the entire drive to Myrtle Beach about how I never get sunburned, and when I turned purple from a day on the beach and nearly collapsed in pain in our hotel room, she was the one who called a doctor and then drove out to Wal-Mart in the middle of the night to get me aloe and sooth my immense, if not well deserved, pain. I could count on her for anything.

I fell absolutely in love with her, but through my own fear, said absolutely nothing. Through the years, I watched as guys came and went and broke her heart. She wanted so badly to make other people happy, and continuously got walked on for it. I was always there when they came around to tell her that each one was never good enough for her, and subsequently give her a shoulder to cry on when things went sour, all the while telling myself that I could really treat her like she deserved if I only got a chance.

Our friendship stayed strong throughout high school, but towards the end, our differing agendas lead us to slowly drift apart. We'd see each other from time to time, and I still regarded her as one of my best friends, but our relationship would never be the same as it was during those first few years of high school. By the time she died, we barely spoke.

I grew up when I realized that tomorrow is never guaranteed. Nothing in life should ever be taken for granted, more than anything, love and friendship. A huge part of me died with Nicole. Everything I ever wanted to say will never be heard. I'm haunted by the overwhelming feeling that had I just spoken up about my feelings, she would have returned them. If it had been me instead of the countless dirt bags she had fallen so hard for, she wouldn't have known the severe heartbreak she grew so accustomed to. Had I stayed close to her and been there for her, I can't help but feel that I could have saved her life.

Learn more about this author, Jack Myles.
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