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the veins in my hands looked as if they were outside of the skin. I clenched my teeth and felt my lips push together, quivering and contorting until they parted violently to make way for a gut wrenching scream. I felt the air ripping at my vocal chords but still heard nothing but my throbbing heart. Half way through my scream, time suddenly seemed to speed back up to normal pace and the car filled with resounding shred of my anguished cry.

Sarah had retracted back with my outburst but was now holding my arm and crying along side me.

"Jon what's wrong?" The fight of a few minutes ago meant absolutely nothing now. I did my best to control my breathing and picked up the phone again.

"I gotta go." I managed to get out

"Are you gonna be ok man?"

"I have to go, I'm sorry." In hindsight I felt bad for being so quick with him, after all, he was her friend too, but I felt as if I was about to burst. This overwhelming mass of feelings was boiling inside of me. I couldn't see strait. At that instant I knew I'd never see her again. I had never felt so helpless in my entire life. Every other problem I had ever encountered to that point had a visible solution. The only problem to ever overcome had been time. It was obvious in an instant that time would do nothing for this. "No God damn it! No!" I tried my best to force this feeling out of my body. I screamed at the top of my lungs and bashed my hands against the dash board until my knuckles bled, but nothing stopped the pressure from building. I honestly can't ever remember how I ended up there, but I was now parked diagonally across a few parking spaces in the back of the lot. I through the car into park and hunched over in my seat with my hands firmly grasping my skull. Sarah wrapped her arms around me and I collapsed into her. "Nicole is dead Sarah, she hung herself."

I met Nicole in fifth grade. I was a quiet kid and didn't talk much to anybody. She was in a different home room, so I would only see her on recess. She walked up to me one day during the winter near a sledding hill on the side of the school and offered me a fruit roll up she had saved from her lunch. We didn't talk again until my freshman year of high school, but that simple random act of kindness stuck with me.

Our first year in high school, we had math class together. I ended up sitting next to her because we both had a mutual friend in the class. The two of us hit it off right away and soon became inseparable. We met up between classes and everyday at lunch.

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