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Calling in sick is dangerous these days. With the global and national economies in such dire straits it's unwise to take too much time off work. You might not have a job to go back to. In any case, taking time off work should not be encouraged unless you really have something contagious, such as the flu and risk passing it on to co-workers.

In addition, if you're tempted to take a day or two off, remember that you'll have a mountain of backlog to catch up on when you return to work, and worse still, if you develop a reputation for taking too much sick leave you'll be first on the redundancy list and last on the promotion list.

Unfortunately, life gets in the way of work just as much as work gets in the way of life. We all have family emergencies to deal with from time to time, and if your employers are notoriously unsympathetic, you'll need to have your excuse prepared.

The best excuses are the tried and tested ones, definitely not the funniest or most original ones that we've all heard about. Use them sparingly and make them credible. Flu, colds, sore throats, food poisoning, and back pain are the most common. But even with these excuses there are preferred ways to call your boss.

For instance, if you're going for the flu excuse, only do it when it's during the flu season, and remember that it's a lot more than a bad cold. Mention how much your muscles are aching and how tired you are.

Another good one to use is ear infection, but for this one you need someone else to make the call for you. Middle ear infection is renowned for being incredibly painful so you can't possibly be in any condition to make the call yourself. (On the other hand, you could go into details about the gruesome-looking discharge, I suppose, which would make the phone call short, if not sweet.)

Women's problems are obviously going to be the most common excuse used by female employees who have a male boss. Further questions are rarely asked, but if they are you should have a detailed gynecological explanation ready. You'll not be allowed to get to the end of it.

The winter vomiting virus now works as one of the best excuses. It doesn't necessarily occur only in winter and it has much in its favor. It's highly contagious, and it involves evacuations from both ends. Nobody will risk checking whether you're faking it or not. They'll just want to make sure you stay away from the office.

Migraine is another good one, but for this you need to have already established a reputation as a migraine sufferer. A migraine is more than just a very bad headache. Check up on all the pre-migraine attack warning signs if you're thinking of developing this one. At the very least, talk about 'flashing lights', or develop a temporary speech impediment.

Hopefully, you won't have need of the above tongue-in-cheek information because,if you seriously need time off work through illness, the only satisfactory way of conveying the information is to tell the truth.

Learn more about this author, Lesley Allen.
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