by Ted Sherman

Created on: January 31, 2008

Oh, wow! What a great gift from Washington! I'm so thrilled about getting $600 ... that's six pictures of Ben Franklin ... I hardly know what to do with such an enormous amount of money all at once. It takes my breath away! Of course, as a retiree with piddling annual income from Social Security, company pension and investments, I'm also thrilled to be able to give more than 20 percent of that hard-earned money back to the government every year.

The fact isn't really important in the minds of the generous government drones that I earned all my income from 40 years of hard work, careful savings and, along the way, paying back each year more than 20 percent of my earnings in federal, state and city taxes. Did I hear some malcontent mention double taxation? And considering the kind of competence we have in Congress, did I hear someone quote old Pat Henry's charge of taxation without representation?

However, I won't look at the dark side, and intend to enjoy the anticipation of spending that huge sum of $600 happily, frivolously, in any way I choose. Now, let's see what it could buy.

1. Considering that the oil companies are sure to add to their huge profits by raising prices again, the money should get me several fill-ups at my friendly neighborhood gas station. I won't even mind if the dull-eyed attendant just sits there while I do all the work of filling the tank, checking the oil and wiping my windshield.

2. I may feel guilty to get such a large sum of unexpected money, so maybe I'll donate it all to a downtown shelter to provide meals for the homeless. Of course, I'd hope the shelter would invite me to get some of the meals after I've gone broke paying my income tax bill on April 15.

3. The $600 will get me two seats at my favorite major league baseball park, providing I buy the expensive tickets that get me close enough to see what's happening on the field, and am willing to shell out another $100 for two cold hot dogs and warm Cokes in leaky paper cups.

4. I'll be able to spend it for a new $600 suit, but I'll have to get one right off the rack at exactly the right size. That money won't be enough to cover any alterations.

5. I'd like to use that big check from Uncle Sam to help pay my kid's college tuition. If I calculate it right, the $600 will be enough to cover one-tenth of one semester at good old Overcharge U. Of course, I'll have to dig up a bit more money to pay for room rent, food, books and other unimportant extras.

6. With all that money, maybe we'll

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