by Angie Lewis

Created on: January 31, 2008

You can avoid communication disasters in your marriage by learning to be productive with HOW YOU COMMUNICATE. In the past few months I have done some due diligent research into the troubles associated with marriage. Not to my amazement, I have discovered that in eight out of ten marital qualms, negative emotions, feelings and attitude, played a big role in the outcome of a couple's marriage. Am I surprised? Not really. These things are a part of the communication process.

I know somewhat about how emotions can wreck havoc in marriage because I have been there and done that already. The good news is that through proper self expression and healing, both husband and wife can learn to not allow their negative emotions to control the outcome of the marriage.

Couples get defensive, emotional, argumentative, and controlling with each other when they aren't being listened to. How can they listen to each other properly? Acknowledge and validate each others feelings. Let your spouse know that their feelings are ok to have. Don't tell them how emotional they are, or don't tell them they're feelings are wrong. Instead listen to what they have to say.

Many men feel that women are too emotional, and that may be true, but so what? Work with her feelings by being understanding and tolerant of those feelings. After you have validated her feelings, then if you have a second opinion or something else to add, by all means, do so. But don't run away from her, or don't tell her how emotional she is. She doesn't want to hear that from you. Be productive in your expression and communication.

Women feel that men clam up or become distant and negative when they are emotional. How can we help our man? By being our man's right arm. This is what God intended for the married woman. God gave us women the insight and talents to be our husband's helpmate. A man's talent lies elsewhere, like providing for financially and protecting his family from harm.

So how can we not let those pesky emotions control the way we think and feel? By being positive and productive with how we are feeling.

1. Don't become chameleons of each other

It is so easy to turn into a couple of chameleons with each other. Your husband comes home in a bad mood, and what do you do? Lash back with the same attitude. Now what do we have? A pair of bulls with bad attitudes butting heads with each other.

Next time your spouse decides they are going to have a bad attitude, go ahead and let them have a bad attitude, don't fight it. You

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